Thursday, April 06, 2006

"Don't Be Evil" Rated Best Theological Insight by a Capitalist Behemoth

A random survey of Americans nationwide has found Google to be tops not only in searching the web, but also aspirations to theology.

"Don't be evil," the company's corporate motto, outdid other contenders in the "Theology in the Marketplace" annual survey, with 70% choosing it the best theological insight in the American marketplace. Coca-Cola's "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony," a perennial favorite, finished second, while Sprite's "I Like the Sprite in You" finished third. Burger King's old tagline, "You Can Have It Your Way" finished a distant fourth.

Christopher Perkins, a prominent cultural critic, said "This year's results say a lot about Americans this year. Google's 'Don't Be Evil,' for example, really expresses the American minimalism about the spiritual life: it's basic, it's clean, and we're able to achieve it perhaps 40% of the time. It was by far the top pick among Gen Xers, who probably Google more than they pray anyway."

"Coke's 'I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing...', complete with images from the old commercial of kids from all nations putting on a concert holding candles, still holds great appeal to the Baby Boomer generation, especially those who came of age in the 1960s. There is a 'peace, love, and harmony' among the peoples feel to it, a call to solidarity. We don't know what they are singing--buy more Coke is my guess--but it feels good to many older Americans."

"'I Like the Sprite in You,' another annual favorite, has always puzzled me. It's ambiguous. I think some Americans are confusing Sprite for Spirit. In any case, it's a boost to the spiritual value of the self. I think if more Americans used this advertizing phrase in reference to the people some call 'disposible'--the elderly, the unborn, the handicapped--well, the survey indicates that they would make some people think twice about the value of these human beings."

"Finally, Burger King's 'You Can Have It Your Way' always rounds up in the back of the pack by the Unitarian contingent, a perpetual bridesmaid."

Google, Coca-Cola, Sprite, and Burger King were unavailable for comment. The latter three's advertizing firm's public relations representative smiled benignly at the news and said "The pulse of America...we're always looking to take a good and move that toward junk food sales opportunities. How do you expect us to sell them? 'Hey, buy some sugar water and fat?'"


Next story: Hollywood Taps Religious Work for New Reality Shows

1 comment:

theophilia said...

You forgot a few:

"Make the most of now" (Vodaphone)

"Who are you?"

"Come and get your love"