Ten budding theologians took to the streets near RBCU*, protesting the impending reality of final grades for the Spring emester.
Many students held signs, from "Grades=The New Idolatry" to "Grades Belong to the Culture of Death" to "WWJG: What Would Jesus Grade?"
This reporter interviewed the group's representative, John Delaney, about this dangerous new movement.
IC: Would you explain what you mean by "grades are 'the new idolatry'"?
JD: Sure. It's a takeoff on the Church's "the new evangelization," but it's a slam. We look at the stress around campus as people write research projects, study for finals, do senior presentations--it indicates that we do not first and foremost trust in God. We make getting the A an idol. So in faithfulness to God, we're campaigning for a university without grades.
IC: Ok, and the "Culture of Death" connection...?
JD: We did a quick survey, and not one person in the campus plaza found receiving grades life-giving. Well, OK, one did, but she is on track to be our valedictorian. Most people were quick to agree that grades are the work of the devil. For the good of all, they must be abolished.
IC: Faculty will likely say that grading is not punative but an opportunity for feedback. How would you respond to that?
JD: Given I just received a paper I slaved over on the Fire Mysticism of Bonaventure covered in blood, I think I can do with a little less feedback of that nature.
IC: You mean covered in red ink, right?
JD: All I know is that it dripped.
IC: So you're protesting grades because you got a bad one, I take it?
JD: Look, we're on a mission from God. Jesus told us we would be misunderstood in this world. I must return to the line.
Some of the enterprising protestors tried to hand out to passersby freshly minted buttons with a skull and crossbones, stating "Grades are The New Idolatry and part of the Culture of Death." The students argued they would take their march to the Administration's offices and sit in until they met with the President, or dinner, whichever came first.
*Really Big Catholic University