Friday, August 04, 2006

Helpful Travel Tips For Ironic Catholics Flying With Children

(Right, Gulf Shores, Alabama: My parents dragged me across the USA just for this?)

With still a month to go in the vacation season, the Ironic Catholic is pleased to provide some helpful travel tips for those faithful Catholics traveling by plane with small children. The key is to look at the experience as one that cultivates virtue as well as survival skills. Happy flying!

1. Remember: flying on an airplane with your children is praxis in patience.

2. Martin Luther King Jr. once said that unmerited suffering is redemptive. Now, you're covered.

3. When you check in for the flight, and the airline has placed you, your husband, and your three kids in five different sections of the plane, take the opportunity to remember that the gate agent is also created in the image of God, and that Jesus died for her as well.

4. Despite earnest entreaties from your young ones, resist letting them bring their own carry-ons. When you get halfway to gate D-98, they will be "carrying on" about how heavy their backpacks are. P.s. Suggesting that this is like carrying your own cross does not work with children under the age of reason.

5. Discuss with your spouse before boarding whether it is most appropriate to pray for your souls or pray for the successful and safe completion of the flight. Loud, theological arguments are a big no-no on flights these days.

6. If you must book a connection, realize that you will have to sprint at full speed from one end of the airport to another with three kids, four carry-ons, a 50 lb diaper bags full of distracting toys, and a car seat, only to find out that the flight has been delayed (see #2).

7. A well-timed dose of Children's Benadryl can facilitate peace and good will with fellow passengers.

8. Realize that a rosary has dual use on a flight: it is an incentive to faith and prayer as well as a fascinating sparkly item that swings for the youngest set.

9. Remember onboard alcoholic drinks cost $5. (See #2)

10. When all else fails, feed the kids M&Ms. Those large bags of mini-M&Ms give you more bang for your buck.



fjl said...

I should pull exactly that face if the weather was thus.

Like the quote, I shall be redeemed, then.

( Suddenly I do think I deserve it...)

Dad29 said...

No, no, no, no...

Feed the kids the alcoholic drinks, less expensive/dose than the Benadryl.

Whatever happened to Cheerio-face-stuffers as opposed to M&M's?

Don't try this with a 15-passenger van. We did, once--4500 miles.

Mom wound up on the floor (I am NOT making that up) with the kids laughing at her as we navigated the mountain passes.

But we DO have very active Guardian Angels. After the first 2,26o miles or so, the front-wheel bearings on the passenger side gave out. While we were with the relatives, near Seattle.

Had they done so 400 miles earlier............

The Ironic Catholic said...

"Whatever happened to Cheerio-face-stuffers as opposed to M&M's?"

M&Ms are hard core, man. True desperation.