In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day: a pirate goes to confession.
Pete the Pirate: Ahoy, forgive me, Father, for I have been a bleedin' bilge rat. Aye, it's been 10 years now since me last confession.
Priest: Go on, me scurvy dog.
Pete: Well, Father, I've been pillagin' ships and stealin' gold me whole adult life, and am well acquainted with the grog.
Priest: Go on now.
Pete: And Father, the wenches...let's say thar hast been many a lass caboodlin' in the anchorhold outside of the weddin' march.
Priest: Blimey, me son! Ye should be walkin' the plank for that one.
Pete: Aye, tis a sad situation....so here it be:
Aye, me God, I am heart'ly sorry fur havin' offended ye,
and I detest me sins--
b'cos I fear losin' me Heaven,
an' don't want to be marooned in Hell--
but most of all they offend ye, me God,
Ye who are a right fine God,
and deservin' of all the doubloons I could give ye and then more.
Aye, so I smartly resolve,
wit' the help of your grace,
to heave to my sins,
to keelhaul my soul,
an' to make right me scurvy life.
Priest: Me son, go in peace. Swab yer poopdeck for yer penance and sin no more.
Pete: Thank ye, Father. (exiting confessional: "Yo ho ho...God is a right merciful laddie.")
Ahem: Don't try this at home. Hopefully this inspired you to do a true confession. In fact, I may need to do one now.
2007 TLAP Update: Get baptized like a pirate.