Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Talk Like A Pirate Day In The Confessional

Let's be honest, pirates way back when had a lot to confess. Not a vocation in keeping with the dignity of the human person, shall we say.

In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day: a pirate goes to confession.

Pete the Pirate: Ahoy, forgive me, Father, for I have been a bleedin' bilge rat. Aye, it's been 10 years now since me last confession.

Priest: Go on, me scurvy dog.

Pete: Well, Father, I've been pillagin' ships and stealin' gold me whole adult life, and am well acquainted with the grog.

Priest: Go on now.

Pete: And Father, the wenches...let's say thar hast been many a lass caboodlin' in the anchorhold outside of the weddin' march.

Priest: Blimey, me son! Ye should be walkin' the plank for that one.

Pete: Aye, tis a sad situation....so here it be:
Aye, me God, I am heart'ly sorry fur havin' offended ye,
and I detest me sins--
b'cos I fear losin' me Heaven,
an' don't want to be marooned in Hell--
but most of all they offend ye, me God,
Ye who are a right fine God,
and deservin' of all the doubloons I could give ye and then more.
Aye, so I smartly resolve,
wit' the help of your grace,
to heave to my sins,
to keelhaul my soul,
an' to make right me scurvy life.
Amen.

Priest: Me son, go in peace. Swab yer poopdeck for yer penance and sin no more.

Pete: Thank ye, Father. (exiting confessional: "Yo ho ho...God is a right merciful laddie.")

Ahem: Don't try this at home. Hopefully this inspired you to do a true confession. In fact, I may need to do one now.

2007 TLAP Update: Get baptized like a pirate.

--I.C.

8 comments:

Rufus McCain said...

A fine blog piece thar. Ye be a blog-wench of uncommon wit.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Arg, ye be the flatterin' sort, me heartie. Thank ye.

("Blog-wench"--yo ho ho )

Jeff Miller said...

The priest should have given as penance saying 10 Arrrrrr Fathers.

Ray from MN said...

Arrrrrrrrrrr.

It sure don't take much at'all to get the Arrrrrrrrrrronic Cat'lic to come off her breaks. And weren't she great, boys?

All we needs t'do is create a few more festive holidays! But we don't needs to right now. Seems t'me we have the Autumnal Equinox comin' up right soon! Yo, ho, ho 'n a barrel o' rum!

KaleJ said...

My only reflection is that this pirate must have a great priest being available on Tuesday rather than just Saturday afternoon from 3:30 to 4:45. Perhaps that is why the pirate hadn't been to confession in so long. Saturday evening being such an important pirate time with the rum and all.

Tim said...

An IC classic!

The Ironic Catholic said...

FYI--I wrote this before the proverbial um, stuff hit the fan in the posts above. Who knows, maybe it did plant a seed for reconciliation. God works in very, very, very mysterious (and just WEIRD) ways.

nissa-amas-katoj said...

Very funny!