Friday, October 27, 2006

New Deadly Sin Added By The International Theological Commission



Vatican City: Stephen Colbert broke the news: The ITC has added a new deadly sin to the traditional list of seven.

Working from the scripture "I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth" (Rev 3:15-6), the ITC has discerned that the eighth deadly sin is weak coffee.

"The inspiration came three hours into our first meeting on limbo. We took a coffee break, and well, things went from there...." said Fr. Joseph Rittenbach, secretary of the organization.

"People seem receptive to the idea. But we have heard a number of complaints from the British isles and Asia, so we want to go on record: so far, tea is considered a morally neutral substance," closed Fr. Rittenbach.

In a related note, Starbucks announced it was renaming its strongest morning blend "Nearer My God To Thee," and was planning an ad campaign through Catholic Church bulletins: "Coffee that wakes you up and prevents damnation."


--I.C.

13 comments:

Gregory said...

My wife works for Starbucks. I wonder if she got the memo.

Carolina Cannonball said...

As for me and my house, we shall serve coffee

Right, Gregory :)

RobK said...

Now I know why I go to Starbucks so often. It's good for my soul! :)

angelmeg said...

Venti Creator Spiritu,

That must translate as the Holy Spirit's coffee order for Starbucks.


We should all do the same, right?

The Ironic Catholic said...

Not even folding in the free trade issue....

The Ironic Catholic said...

Ninth deadly sin:
biannual time changes.

Jeff said...

The acidic motor oil called Starbucks coffee is next to Godliness? More bitter tha wine mixed with vinegar, says I.

Dunkin' Donuts... The brand they surely served after dinner at Cana.

Cathy_of_Alex said...

It's about time that "weak coffee" was recognized as a deadly sin.

Decaf coffee must be in its own hellish category.

Panda Rosa said...

Amen to that! Every (Protestant) church I've ever gone to always always ALWAYS has the same weak coffee! Blegh!
But then, I moninate the NINTH Deadly Sin: Revealing The End Of The Movie! that is the only known grounds for justifiable homicide.

Kit-Kat said...

I have a friend who publicly announces that decaf is the devil's coffee. And he's Protestant.

Anonymous said...

Sorry folks. We need to get something straight here.

Decaf isn't coffee. Coffee is meant to be a refreshing, stimulating and enjoyable drink. 'Nuff said...

...and while we're at it: diet cola? Caffeine free, calorie free... and flavour free!!

The Ironic Catholic said...

OK, I'm addicted to diet Coke. How what does THAT mean, Mac?

Anonymous said...

Just think how many years you will be in purgatory working off that adiction Ironic.

ROTFLOL.