Friday, October 27, 2006
New Deadly Sin Added By The International Theological Commission
Vatican City: Stephen Colbert broke the news: The ITC has added a new deadly sin to the traditional list of seven.
Working from the scripture "I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth" (Rev 3:15-6), the ITC has discerned that the eighth deadly sin is weak coffee.
"The inspiration came three hours into our first meeting on limbo. We took a coffee break, and well, things went from there...." said Fr. Joseph Rittenbach, secretary of the organization.
"People seem receptive to the idea. But we have heard a number of complaints from the British isles and Asia, so we want to go on record: so far, tea is considered a morally neutral substance," closed Fr. Rittenbach.
In a related note, Starbucks announced it was renaming its strongest morning blend "Nearer My God To Thee," and was planning an ad campaign through Catholic Church bulletins: "Coffee that wakes you up and prevents damnation."