Wednesday, October 18, 2006

PR Firm Suggests Theologians Acquire Stigmata For Visibility Purposes

Megapolis, USA: The public relations firm of Chaney and Howe have created a lists of proposals to create the visibility of RBCU, including asking the Theology department to acquire stigmata.

"We don't know much about it, but there is this strange attraction/fear with it, which we think translates into 'cool' for potential college freshmen," said spokesperson Gerald Howe. "Imagine going to class and having your professor bleed all over the chalkboard. You can't buy that kind of student attention. Applications would go through the roof."

"Look, you can't acquire stigmata like a mandatum," objected Professor Julia Wincastle, speaking for the theology department. "They are received as gift by only a very few, and it is part of the mystical sharing in the suffering of Christ, not to be used for college promotion. People don't just wave their bloody hands around and say 'hey, look at me'."

Howe was puzzled by reported backlash. "I'm not sure why they can't ask for it and just get it, especially for the good of the school," said Howe. "I mean, they pray, right? They know a lot about God? Sounds like balking to me."

An unidentified spokesperson for RBCU hinted the brewing tempest may be moot anyway. "We have been told that open wounds in the classroom constitutes a public health risk and our liability would shoot sky high," he said. "No stigmata allowed at school without taking sick leave."

The local "Mysticism Support" society is holding a prayer vigil for understanding today at 7pm.



RobK said...

LOL!!!! No you can't get that kind of attention.

It could be like a visible sign of their fidelity to Catholic doctrine. Much more forceful than signing a document.

Very funny!

Anonymous said...

Gosh, that's an interesting article.


Gregory said...

Did you write that, or grab it from somewhere else?

If the latter, where, miss?

The Ironic Catholic said...

I wrote it--and in case it isn't clear to you new folks, it is false. Sort like the Onion, only less funny. :)

Hey Robk! I'm a theologian! I'm faithful (or try to be)! Let's be careful out there!

Anonymous said...

RBCU = Red Blood Cell University?

This "word" verification almmost looks real: krkke. Kirke? Church?

The Ironic Catholic said...

RBCU= Really Big Catholic University