Washington, DC: In a surprise move yesterday, the United States House of Representatives and Senate each passed a motion to immediately commence a "chapter of faults." The body is still in closed session, having stayed overnight.
Chaplain Richard Morantez explained, "I mentioned to a small group of elected members that the ancient monastic orders used to confess their faults in community on a regular basis to 'make the spirit humble and to mortify the flesh by acknowledging one's faults anew'. One congressman, who wishes not to be named, thought it was a good idea, and it went from there."
According to aides, many of the members of Congress did not know what they were voting for, as it was added to an omnibus transportation bill, but have text-messaged that it was something they decided to embrace. One aide, speaking on anonymity, said "At first apparently each party agreed to it in order to hear the other side spit out their worst sinful acts. But apparently hearts have turned by the humility of the moment, and it's become close to an altar call in the chamber."
It is not clear when the closed session, lasting 20 hours at press time, will open, but the White House is expressing increasing reservation about the length of the event. "We're just puzzled as to why this is taking so long," said Tony Snow, speaking for the Administration. "They really need to be on the campaign trail this close to the election. Surely there wouldn't that much lying to confess in a campaign season."