Tuesday, November 28, 2006
"Operation Rescue Advent" Blows Out BigBox Retailer's Holiday Muzak
Scranton, PA: It all began with one too many November renditions of "Jingle Bell Rock."
"When I heard that inane drivel for the tenth time by November 25th, I knew I had to do something...and I knew I wasn't alone," stated former "meek old woman" Emily Gravern.
Mrs. Gravern went to St. Aloysius Church on the feast of Christ the King, and coordinated a group of people enjoying coffee and donuts to go march on the local Asia-Mart. Quickly naming themselves "Operation Rescue Advent," they chained themselves to the cart carrels in the crowded parking lot; and against the blaring secular Holiday Muzak, they began to sing "We Gather Together" at the top of their lungs.
That attracted scant attention, but things went awry when a couple of the younger participants broke their chains, went inside the store, and blew a fuse that disabled the intercom blaring the Muzak. Shoppers suddenly looked more alert and, shaking their heads, decided to go home without buying anything.
Megan Townsend, public relations commander for the regional Asia-Mart, responded to the protestors, saying "I just don't get it. We already buckled to market sensibilities by calling it Christmas again. We just want to celebrate good cheer, indulgence, and increased sales. We are on record as liking Christmas."
Mrs. Gravern, who had acquired a megaphone in the parking lot, shouted "It's Advent, not Christmas. In fact, it isn't even Advent until Sunday, December 3rd! It's just...November!" Scattered people in the parking lot spontaneously broke into applause.
The protesters, meanwhile, launched into a hearty rendition of "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come."
Mrs. Gravern is encouraging all who are interested to come and protest tomorrow, and to bring your Thanksgiving leftovers to pass.