Tuesday, November 28, 2006

"Operation Rescue Advent" Blows Out BigBox Retailer's Holiday Muzak


Scranton, PA: It all began with one too many November renditions of "Jingle Bell Rock."

"When I heard that inane drivel for the tenth time by November 25th, I knew I had to do something...and I knew I wasn't alone," stated former "meek old woman" Emily Gravern.

Mrs. Gravern went to St. Aloysius Church on the feast of Christ the King, and coordinated a group of people enjoying coffee and donuts to go march on the local Asia-Mart. Quickly naming themselves "Operation Rescue Advent," they chained themselves to the cart carrels in the crowded parking lot; and against the blaring secular Holiday Muzak, they began to sing "We Gather Together" at the top of their lungs.

That attracted scant attention, but things went awry when a couple of the younger participants broke their chains, went inside the store, and blew a fuse that disabled the intercom blaring the Muzak. Shoppers suddenly looked more alert and, shaking their heads, decided to go home without buying anything.

Megan Townsend, public relations commander for the regional Asia-Mart, responded to the protestors, saying "I just don't get it. We already buckled to market sensibilities by calling it Christmas again. We just want to celebrate good cheer, indulgence, and increased sales. We are on record as liking Christmas."

Mrs. Gravern, who had acquired a megaphone in the parking lot, shouted "It's Advent, not Christmas. In fact, it isn't even Advent until Sunday, December 3rd! It's just...November!" Scattered people in the parking lot spontaneously broke into applause.

The protesters, meanwhile, launched into a hearty rendition of "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come."

Mrs. Gravern is encouraging all who are interested to come and protest tomorrow, and to bring your Thanksgiving leftovers to pass.

--I.C.

7 comments:

The Ironic Catholic said...

OK, it's low hanging fruit... but tasty nonetheless, no?

sipmac said...

IC, in my city you can hear on the radio the season's music from SEPTEMBER on! You better believe it! People here really crave for Advent and Christmas.

Anonymous said...

So funny, yet so true...at least the Christmas carolling I heard two weeks ago was "O Come O Come Emmanuel" which I guess is a little closer to being liturgically correct. Too bad my Catholic school hasn't picked up on it and not only has an advent wreath up (and all lit) but also as Christmas trees up too...

Panda Rosa said...

Even an atheist would have to agree to this one! And it's always the same dozen songs that get played over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
I can stand "Jingle Bell Rock", but how many renditions of "Silver Bells" or "Merry Little Christmas" can a body stand?! Even the beautiful "Silent Night" gets played well into the ground!
Advent songs, it would be lovely. Good luck and God bless her efforts.

Trubador said...

I remember once when I was young my brother and I were watching cartoons on a UHF channel (remember that?!), and a commercial came on for Christmas Music on LP, cassettes and 8-track (remember those?!). It was JULY!!!

And I now give you my favorite Christmas earworm... by Jose Feliciano... "Fleas On Your Dog" (that's what I always thought he was saying, anyways).

ray from mn said...

Glad to see that the I.C. regained a big of the old "snap" when she was off on her junket.

We gotta do something about those Technorati tags, though. I.C. is too kind! They give the whole thing away. Put them in Latin if you must!

Anonymous said...

You sure do have the adventistas down. I never could get into Advent. I mean we're expecting a child, right? We should be happy, sing songs, throw a party. That's what people do. Why can't we. I know it makes me less Catholic, but I await JOYFULLY the Lord's birth (sing, party etc.). I respect this Advent stuff, but I love the carols!! Da sooner da betta!