Hollywood, CA: A pilot for a spinoff reality show, America's Next Top Christian, appears to be on the cutting room floor of ABC.
"It was a promising idea--get some aspiring Christians together and have them live together, then judge them on how they do on one big common project--but it really backfired," explained executive producer Syrah Tanks. "We didn't realize that there would be a general lack of whinyness and self-interest with this group. That doesn't play in Peoria."
Tom Alabaster, who directed the pilot, elaborated on the show's troubled history. "First, there were no witchy catfights. Second, no one wanted to compete, they kept saying claptrap like 'How can we support each other in this journey?' Third, praying in secret, which they did A LOT, isn't exactly eye-catching television. Finally, the first project we had them do was utter chaos. We told them they had to go wash others' feet. They began washing each other's feet but balked at letting other people wash theirs. So they went out, offering to wash feet, and it began to catch on all over town. That was the last straw. It was so freakin' humble that we knew our advertizers would balk. So...it's out."
The contestants, unperturbed, left the "house set" upon hearing the announcement and immediately joined the Salvation Army bell-ringers. "It was an odd experiment," admitted contestant Joel Whitford, 21. "But hey, God's grace is the most awesome prize anyway. I wish the producers well. God bless you!"
"Hopeless," muttered Alabaster.