Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Gen Y Seeking Baptismal Font On Microsoft Word

Springfield, IL: Generation Y cracked the hidden theological code of Microsoft Word at St. Agatha's Catholic Church this Sunday.

Terry and Sara Bowden, parents of three-month-old baptismal candidate Kaitlyn Therese, became visibly flustered when Fr. Reginald Koster asked them to bring Kaitlyn to the font for baptism.

After looking around the sanctuary in confusion, Terry shrugged and whipped out his laptop, and booted up.

As the priest walked over and asked what was up, Terry said, "I'm looking up fonts we can use in Microsoft Word...OK, I see Lucinda, Comic Sans, Arial, Times New Roman--hey, that must be it, right?"

As the priest tried to unobtrusively point the parents in the direction of the small pool off to the side of the sanctuary, Terry smacked his head and exclaimed "Oh my Word! This font is connected to the justification function, isn't it? But it is right or left justification? And "insert symbol"! What does symbol mean here...does it produce the grace or what?"

As Fr. Koster dragged him to the font, laptop in hand, Terry was muttering, "I never knew there was so much theology hidden in the depths of Microsoft! You'd think it would be Apple's sort of thing...hey, Apple...oh my word!"

Bill Gates, in response to an email on the theological implications of Microsoft Word, admitted it freely. "I'm surprised it took people this long to figure it out. And being a '70s boy myself, I modeled all the Word Art after bad felt banners used in churches of the time period. Kind of a nostalgic kick, yes?"

(Kaitlyn was eventually baptized. With water. Using the traditional trinitarian formula. From a baptismal font.)

--I.C.

5 comments:

Jeff Miller said...

But in Microsoft Works you can't justify text, because then you would try to justify by works.

CMinor said...

(rim shot)

The Ironic Catholic said...

Jeff--

(wince)

but in a good way

Tim said...

I hope they used TrueType and not OpenType format! OpenType leaves too much room for error and "alternative" interpretation.

And just so everyone knows, it is appropriate to use PostScript format for funerals.

RobK said...

I like the Times New Roman and Justification connection.