I confess: I have the honest-to-goodness, true secret. The secret.
No, it's not a new baby, a "real name" (nice try, Ray), "closet Calvinism," or a monk joke. This is much, much bigger than that. Well, I hope.
You see, my seekers and friends, I am a humor website provider. I make odd jokes no one really gets. This makes me eminently qualified to procure secret revelation from the beyond, because the natural depth, nuance, and obscurity of my written work. At least of much as that quack Australian television producer, bless her laughing-to-the-bank heart.
True, I thought about trying to spread the REAL secret around for the good of humanity: write a book, watch it sell, gain the comfortable life I deserve. But then it wouldn't be a secret, would it? Geez! I hate logic!
And yet I am compelled to share this honest-to-goodness true secret with my readers. Plus I needed a blog post. So I decided to go the noble route and freely release the knowledge, but encoded, so that only the elect may understand.
So here it is...
are you ready?
Enoyna ohw syub hcus partpalc desab no S'harpo noitadnemmocer sevresed ot eb deceelf ekil eht peehs eh si.
(Hint: Think Hebrew.)
My mission is complete. Go in peace, my enlightened friends.