Thursday, April 12, 2007

Theological Reasons Why April Blizzards Are Evil


See the lovely statue of the Blessed Mother? That's outside my office. Pleasant, yes? However, note that white stuff on the ground. It is April 11 in Minnesota, and we are having a blizzard.

What is a Catholic theologian to do... other than pull out the gloves she packed away? These are the times that try even winter-hardy Minnesotans' souls. But in faith, I reject despair and seek understanding....

1. Blizzards in April are further evidence of the moral disorder of the universe that came about through the original sin. Snow outside of the November to March window is intrinsically disordered. 'Nuff said.

2. If we stuck to Old Testament methods of interpretation, this calamity would be seen as evidence that we have fallen away from the covenant and need repentance. Minnesotans need to take a hard look at themselves and see where we have offended God as a state.

(OK, let's not, actually. Could take a while.)

3. Maybe it's a freak occurrence, after all: Job didn't have a blizzard hit him in the midst of losing his children, home, livelihood, and health. Even the Prince of Darkness is not normally that creative.

But, in the end, I'm sticking with...

4. Relativism run amuck: Meteorologists are now on the relativism bandwagon, calling for blizzard conditions in times and places where they simply are not right. Next they'll be calling for sleet in Columbia. You keep an eye on them, Holy Father!

--I.C.

10 comments:

Ray from MN said...

D'ya suppose that Charles Curran is upset because the U.S. Bishops have condemned him for heresy?

Perhaps called upon the powers of some relativistic modern goddess to punish us for our smiles and sotto voce "at last" comments upon hearing the news?

The Ironic Catholic said...

Ray--what? Aren't you talking about the guy at Marquette?

Which is (ahem) in Wisconsin anyway?

Adoro te Devote said...

Yes, but is there joy within the blizzard, and has anyone seen the cross of Christ, or does it have to be dug out first?


And is union with the cross in a blizzard easier because you get frozen to it?

Should I quote you for my paper? I have a section on Job...

CMinor said...

Gee, and I used to swear God was angry at South Carolina when they still had video poker--they get some serious T-storms in those midlands.

Do you think you could pack up the snow and ship it down here? We haven't had any in several years and frankly, I'm feeling nostalgic.

Allen said...

Been implementing a lot of Israeli slave labor lately, IC? Passover only ended Tuesday, you know.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Adoro--never ever ever ever ever quote a blog in an academic paper. Trust me! Not even mine! (and good luck!)

Cminor--want to switch places for a week? I'll take the South for MN this time of year.

Allen--my students aren't Istaelites. (heh heh)

Adoro te Devote said...

IC ~ I don't think quoting a blog would make a difference in this particular paper.

I've decided I'm just going take a page of this travesty I'm writing, draw a picture of Jesus crucified, add some bloodstains to various spote (including my fingerprints to show it's mine), and sign it with a big yellow smilie face. Then I'm going to scan it and send it as an attachment with the real paper.

Hmm....I might actually do that then post the image on my blog....

Front Pew Crew Mama said...

It is an absolutely glorious day here in Texas...blue skies, 80 degrees, flowers in bloom, the whole spring scenario. Alas, by the time this weather gets to you, we will be suffering in the summer inferno we know so well.

CMinor said...

I'm game, IC, but you'll have to plant my veggies for me!

And along with FPC Mama, I must reflect that you will soon be basking in vernal breezes while we here in Dixie swelter in heat and humidity!

Bro. Andrew, SM said...

That blizzard pleased God, and yet you question His will? Sheesh! ;)