Monday, May 28, 2007

Local Catholic, Inspired By Pentecost, Suggests Dress Code For Other Major Feast Days

Macaroon, WI: A St. John's Church parishioner, inspired by his parish's overwhelming adherence to the "red shirt or dress" rule to celebrate The Coming of the Holy Spirit (also known as Pentecost), has suggested that parishes expand this popular practice to other feasts in the Catholic calendar.

"The thing is, everyone in our church thinks 'red shirt' when Pentecost comes around. I think that's just great. So perhaps we could plant the dress code associations with other feasts as well. I'm most looking forward to Easter and Christmas, where we can encourage people to wear gold lame. We'll have the sparkliest church in town," said Pastoral Council president Rob Rutaberg.

Other parishioners expressed moderate enthusiasm. "I always liked the 'red shirt' day--it reminds me that I can sit out of the game with Christ in charge. I didn't know the Christian life allowed seasons off. It's great news to me," said Brandon Jakobsen, 28.

"Plus, I like wearing a red dress to Church. There aren't many feasts where I can praise God and look like a tart," said Jakobsen's wife, Brigid, 27. Her husband nodded, smiling.

Amelia Burgess, 82, liked the proposal because it gave her a chance to wear her "spiffy purple old lady dress" for Lent. "All us 'When I'm an old woman I will wear purple' gentleladies have an entirely different association with wearing the color: Lent will become six weeks devoted to living life to its fullest at any age. Lots more fun that the repentance route," she said.

There was one lone voice of outrage, a nameless woman stubbornly wearing a khaki skirt and black top. "We've got a feast devoted to God as the sustainer of our world, the breath of life, the voice of the Prophets, and the Consoler of those who suffer and mourn...and our best attempt to celebrate it is wearing RED? We've got a story about God turning fear and grief to joy and unity and life, with one of the most amazing miracles to boot, and we wear RED? We've got gifts of wisdom, faith, discernment, and more, and we wear RED? We should be wearing SACKCLOTH given how we treat this feast! This is the domestication of the master of the Universe at its worst!"

"Don't mind her," muttered Rutaberg. "She's just speaking in tongues. We haven't understood her for years."



Laura The Crazy Mama said...

Shoot, what should I wear for ascension Thurs.? Oh...I white, halter, "Marilyn Manroe" dress that billows up with the slightest breeze? Whoo hoo, I've been looking for an excuse to wear that sexy thing to church!

Intrepid Mother of the Front Pew Crew said...

Crazy Mama,

You should save the Marilyn dress for July 8th. I am a lector that day and happen to know that the first reading starts like this:

Thus says the LORD:
Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad because of her,
all you who love her;
exult, exult with her,
all you who were mourning over her!
Oh, that you may suck fully
of the milk of her comfort,
that you may nurse with delight
at her abundant breasts!


Verily, verily I cannot believe that I am scheduled to utter the phrase "abundant breasts" in front of the whole congregation. To think I was worried about getting a list of begats to (mis)pronounce.

CMinor said...

It could be worse--
I recall somebody once reading a passage (I think it was Jeremiah) with a reference to a smoldering brazier. Only she mispronounced brazier--I'll leave it to your imaginiation how, but it would fit very nicely with your reading.

It was during a Confirmation class, not Mass, thank goodness, but you can picture the response in a roomful of 13-year-olds.

Jeannine said...

Dear IC, thanks for mocking the "wear red" idea! We encountered it for the first time when visiting a little country church while on vacation (the pastor asked people to wear red for Pentecost the following week), since we don't wear Pentecost costumes in our own parish. Whoever came up with this idea? Who on earth thought it was a good one? My husband suggested that someone should show up in a "devil costume"--after all, it's red!