...Lyman said that his pancake fundamentalism is based on "the trinity of griddle-fried batter, butter, and maple syrup, as directed by our breakfast elders more than two score years ago." His beliefs were forged by years of increasing dissatisfaction with the "internationalist" influence within IHOP, which he said stresses flavor over substance.
"The course of my life changed last week when a waitress dropped a tray and I was struck with hot coffee," Lyman said. "As I wiped my eyes and opened them, suddenly I became aware of the full extent of the corruption. Sweet crepes mingling with egg runoff. The sickening decadence of Belgian waffles. A waitstaff more concerned with lining their pockets with tips than with dedicating their lives to service. I stormed from the wicked place without settling my bill, finally realizing what I must do: devote my life to bringing down the House of Pancakes. To bring it down, then build it anew in righteousness and customer satisfaction."
IHOP manager Dennis Ryskowski said that he has tried to read some of Lyman's comments during his breaks, but has so far only made it to card 26, "On the Blankets of Pigs." ...
I can't believe they didn't mention the Diet of Worms.