Monday, May 14, 2007

Mother's Day Tip Sheet For Homilists Leaked

Megapolis, Middle America: The Ironic Catholic has received a leaked tip sheet from Bishop Graystone of Megapolis regarding one of the most difficult homiletical challenges of our time: incorporating Hallmark and FTD-infused Mother's Day into the liturgical Easter season.

Our anonymous source, "Blessed Throat," said that "The Bishop tried to be non-directive in allowing a wide range of possibilities for mentioning mothers in the Sunday homily. But since the homily is supposed to be a pastoral reflection on the readings of the day, it is always a challenge to shoehorn mom in there. And having overheard odd comments at the last few parish brunches to honor mothers, he decided to post a list of connections that will NOT work. Call it 'The Mother's Day Anti-Talking Points brief.' I don't want to say they've been done before. Or not. Ah, I just should have said no comment."

The list of "Easter-Mother's Day Connector comments that do NOT work for the readings this 2007 Mother's Day":

  1. You know, friends of Christ, a wise mother would have not nicknamed her child, Judas, "Barsabbas."
  2. A good mother would have whipped up some yummy, wholesome vegetarian stew and avoided that whole nasty issue of eating strangled meat offered to idols.
  3. I'll bet a mother would have looked at that Holy City of Jerusalem, gleaming in splendor, descended from the heavens, and said "Finally! A self-cleaning home! I KNEW God was great!"
  4. When Christ said "Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; yet the word you hear is not mine but that of the Father who sent me," he wasn't talking about the times your sainted mother called out in the yard "Dad said come get your grub before he throws it out!"
  5. "The Advocate, the Holy Spirit...will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you." But had you listened to your mother, you wouldn't need to be reminded, would you?


Bishop Graystone wished all people a holy Easter season and refused further comment.
--I.C.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Our new (wet-behind-the-ears) deacon was the homilist today. He made a twist on #5 and claimed that another name for the Holy Spirit was "Mother". He brought himself (not yours truly) nearly to tears as he reminisced about his own godly mother. All the while, I was thinking that distance had romanticized his memories. He certainly must not have seen my reaction last week when my youngest son took keys to my husband's car on the same day I had discovered that he had used his older brother's pocketknife on the windowsills of the gameroom. Could there be more proof that Mary had only one (and perfect to boot) child...This one is definitely from Anon.

Intrepid Mother of the Front Pew Crew said...

Dear Anon,
This too shall pass. Just think of the stories you can tell years hence at your son's rehearsal dinner (or ordination party). Oh my!

Ray from MN said...

Yesterday was one of my not infrequent excursions to a solid St Paul Parish with a great grade school, a budget in the black and pastor who as been doing wonderful work there for some time.

I regret to report that there wasn't much mention in the homily of the day's readings as prescribed someplace in the G.I.R.M.

But Father sang "What a Miracle" a song for kindygartners to be sung and pantomimed to their Moms, as he had heard it at a school event.

http://www.happalmer.com/walterworm.htm


Even those of in the congregation with no children, with Mothers long gone, but who could recall what Mom was like when they were five were seen surreptitiously wiping moisture from the corners of their eyes.

I forgive Father.

I do love you, Mom! And I'm sorry that it took me so long to say it.

Cathy_of_Alex said...

LMAO!