Thursday, May 03, 2007

Understanding Confirmation: There's Still Some Work To Do

Or, Teens Say The Darndest Things

Boulder, Colorado
: At last report, young people are still a little confused about the sacrament of Confirmation at St. Basil's Catholic Church.

"I was a little offended that Fr. Janssen didn't let us wear our graduation gowns. I mean, at least the mortarboard. My mom even made a little dove with a '07' in its mouth to swing from the tassel; it was so cute," said newly-sealed-in-the-Holy-Spirit 16 year old Katie Loomers.

Jacob Williams concurred. "Dude, I had to pass a test. Every year I passed a test, we've done a graduation routine--it's all about moving on and out. I see this as being the same deal. I kept waiting for the diploma."

Apparently choosing a saint's name as a Confirmation name gave some fits as well. Raquel Ortiz said, "Ok, like, the bishop is up there asking me what my confirmation name is, and no one told me! So I thought fast, and my best friend's name is Paige Jasmine, so that's what I said. He just looked at me. OK, I thought I saw a tear running down his cheek, but he said later he had wicked allergies."

Aaron Anderson had a similar reaction. "I was first in line, and the question took me totally by surprise. My mom has this saying, when in doubt, Mary helps out. So... I said Mary. I'm totally never going to live this down," he said, shaking his head.

Jacob Williams agreed. "It surprised me, but I think I did OK. I heard the question put to others, and had a chance to think. I liked the David and Goliath story when I was a kid, so I said Goliath. He's a figure I can look up to for the rest of my life," he said.

St. Basil's Director of Religious Education, Andrea Dalrimple, immediately left for a short retreat at St. Anxiete's Rehab for Churchworkers, and was unavailable to comment for this story.



CMinor said...

Okay--this is scary.

I wasn't completely sure reading down the page that this was going to be a "fake news" item.

But then, I've taught mid-grades CCD before.

Ray from MN said...


If that shows up as one of the top names of 2007, we sure will be able to determine who was responsible for it. Atta girl, I.C.!

What do you suppose a good nickname for a person named "Goliath" would be?

Being it's the 21st century, A.D., not B.C., you might see a raft of female Goliaths, also.

Christopher said...

I agree with cminor. Your satire isn't very satirical... how do you do satire when the worlds gone insane?

And to think I once nearly made a DRE cry when I said I thought that Bishop might be onto something confirming in 2nd grade.

Intrepid Mother of the Front Pew Crew said...

Meanwhile, little Betty May was found sobbing in the corner..."How was I supposed to know that plunging necklines and push-up bras were a no-no when the Bishop came? With all those fancy things he wears, I would think he would understand fashion a little more."

The Ironic Catholic said...

I'll admit, confirmation (as practiced) is low-hanging fruit.

So some days you laugh and you cry at the same time, eh?

CMinor said...

How about "Golly?"

Don't forget the spaghetti straps and the Daisy Mae off-the-shoulder styling.

angelmeg said...


In one year I was asked by a parent if it would be okay if her daughter wore her tennis dress to Confirmation mass because there just wouldn't be time to change after her match that aftenoon.

The next year I had to endure watching a just confirmed young man wipe the chrism off of his forehead with his tie as he walked back to his seat (a young man I didn't believe was ready but his parents begged the DRE to allow to be confirmed because they had brought him to every class and he had done all 30 hours of service and he had chosen a confirmation name and a sponsor AND they had relatives coming for the weekend who couldn't cash in their tickets). THis is not made up as Dave Barry says.

The third and last year I did Confirmation ministry one of my lovely kids did all 30 houurs of service at the stable where she boards her horse. You read that correctly, I can't remember how she worked that one around to make it fit the corporal works of mercy which was what their service hours were supposed to be based on, but she got credit for all 30. I guess rich people need service too.

I don't miss confirmation ministry at all.