Monday, June 04, 2007

More Poetry To Whet The Appetite

A section from the rightly famous "Lamentations of the Father" by Ian Frazier.
(P.s. If we have purists out there, I call this free verse, myself.)

Laws When at Table

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater
person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither
raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an
abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to
show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor
fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will
dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do
not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order
to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed,
and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I
say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the
same to you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the
table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your
lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not
with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is
why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not
stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other,
nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit
like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I
have said, it has come to pass.

Inspired? Contest details here.


RobK said...


Panda Rose said...

I have to agree, this is priceless! Is it wrong to wonder at the stuff left out of the Official version of the Bible? Because this should have been in there!

Trish said...

It is a good thing no one else is in at work yet - I laughed until I cried. This is just too true for me!