Thursday, August 09, 2007

Signs You May Have Been Reading The Psalms...A Lot

Signs You May Have Been Reading The Psalms... A Lot

You begin speaking in couplets ("Set the table, O my husband; O my husband, set the table.")

You ask God to vanquish the spots on the laundry and to wipe them from all remembrance in the Book of life.

You keep watch that God will smite Barry Bonds.

You constantly chant Psalm 88 when you habitually click on the now defunct Open Book.

In joyful enthusiasm, you begin asking non-sentient beings to bless the Lord (keyboards and monitors, bless the Lord; grills and shish-kabobs, bless the Lord; Lysol and toilet brush, bless the Lord...).

You spend way too much time on epinions searching to buy a timbrel to go with your harp.

When the McDonalds says they are out of your kids' favorite chicken nuggets, you flail out your arms in the queue and shout "How many are my foes, Lord! How many rise against me!"

More tomorrow....


Antony said...

I confess to being guilty of that keeping watch that God will smite Barry Bonds. Lord, forgive me....

The Ironic Catholic said...

Antony, what you want there is Psalm 51.


Allen said...

I especially liked the one about calling inanimate objects to praise God!

How about:
"You find yourself saying "Selah" whenever you're at a loss for words."

You begin every prayer now with "A prayer of (insert your name here)"

You wonder if your next conversation could be "according to Shiggaioth."

Your meal time prayers begin with something like "A prayer of thanksgiving, when I had made meatloaf and mashed potatoes for supper."

The Ironic Catholic said...

Allen--you're too good at this!

Sanctus Belle said...

Hilarious post!

I must admit to adding several Lo's, beholds, and O my soul's to my everyday thoughts from not only the psalms but the OT in general!

RobK said...

This one is really funny (and fun)!

Internet and World Wide Web, bless the Lord!
IE and Firefox, bless the Lord!
Word, Excel, and PowerPoint, bless the Lord.
All you bloggers bless the Lord!
Praise and exalt Him above all forever!

Cow Shea said...

I've been living on the road as a kind of mutant pilgrim-missionary, and I have to confess that we've definitely started in with the compulsion to say "Bless the Lord" after the listing of any two nouns.

The best one we've had so far was invented during a stop at Arby's: "Beef and cheddar, bless the Lord!"

...We're toeing the line of being so nerdily Catholic that we can no longer hack it in the society of real people.

Diesel said...

Great post, IC. You make being a catholicism nerd seem cool

The Ironic Catholic said...

"Seem" cool?!