Monday, August 06, 2007

Young Fans of Benedict XVI Boycott Post Raisin Bran

The icon of relativism, left.

New York, New York: Members of "PapaRatzi Rocks"--a group of Brooklyn youth aged 12-15 devoted to studying the Pope's writings and teaching--are leafletting area grocers encouraging shoppers to "take a stand against postmodernism" by boycotting Post Raisin Bran.

"We're zealous for the Lord, the culture of life, and objective truth. It was obvious to us we needed to witness by opposing postmodernism, but how to do oppose a cultural philosophy? Then, when we were having breakfast on our retreat on Deus Caritas Est, it came to us: Postmodernism...Post Raisin Bran. It was confirmed by the fact that it just doesn't taste very good in the end. We knew the time was ripe to take a stand," said Joshua LeBrock, 15.

The pamphlet, titled "Two Scoops of Relativist Evil," encourages people to embrace the reality of moral absolutes by boycotting all Post brand cereals, especially the popular Raisin Bran. Outside "Jo's Stop n' Shop" on 112th St., three young people stood at a table, stirring a crockpot of oaty smell, and encouraging people to take a flyer. "It sends a message; it brings attention to the problem of relativism. Our voice will be heard! We encourage the faithful to reject post-everything," said 15 year old leafletter Alyssa Washington, handing this reporter a cup of warm oatmeal and a plastic spoon.

When asked about shoppers' response, they said that a lot of people were puzzled and threw away the oatmeal. "But the most exciting part comes when kids ask us what exactly is the Cereal of Truth, especially if they hate oatmeal. While I don't know what Jesus ate for breakfast, I tell them Wheaties is a safe bet, because it is the Breakfast of Champions, you know," said 13 year old Kevin LeBrock, laughing. "No, seriously, we give them the website for Veritatis Splendor. It's a great way to start your morning, I think."

When asked what they would do if this drive were successful, Washington said, "We're weighing our options. We're not sure whether to go for Post-its or the Post Office. Maybe both. With a phenomenon like Postmodernism, you've really got to attack it from every angle."

Post Cereals was asked to respond to the charges made by the boycott, but after saying "people could do whatever they want," the company refused further comment.

--I.C.

5 comments:

beez said...

The only problem is that the "two scoops" line is from a Kellogg's Raisin Bran ad. :)

Angela said...

What, so now it's abnormal for a 19 year old to like Raisin Bran? So sue me.

Jenny from Chicago said...

Love it. You always make me laugh...of course the price for this is that you make me learn more about Catholicism, but a small price for the chortle. Thanks.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Jenny, I taught you something about Catholicism? You made my day!

Peace.

angelmeg said...

Better be careful IC those teen crusaders may come after you. Your comment page says "Post a Comment on:"

Thwy will probably find that too post modern.

Perhaps you should rethink your wording before they seek you out and picket your blog.