Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Talk Like a Pirate Getting Baptized

In honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day 2007:

Pete the Pirate, after makin'
a right fine confession last year, has convinced one of his mateys to get baptized.

Jack the Pirate: Ahoy, me Father. I be wantin' to accept Jesus Christ as me Lord and Savior.

Fr. Yarg: Arrrr, gangway, mateys! Bless the Lord! Ye be readin' the Prodigal Son story from Sunday past, have ye, Bucko?

Jack: Ay, I have now. I've been plundering the booty meself for many a year, and it be time to keelhaul me scurvy soul. I be willin', Father. Make me climb the mizzenmast, drink bilge water, give up the grog, I am ready.

Father: Right now, me son. All ye have to do is walk the plank.

Jack: eh now?

Father: Walking the plank, son. Full immersion to cleanse the soul.

Jack: Blimey, what kind of scallywag are ye? The last hand to walk it sank like a double anchor!

Father: Ye need to die to living the account and rise to life in Christ, me son.

Jack: Ye squiffy, scurvy landlubber of a bilge rat! When ye be dead, ye be dead, not alive! I'd like to see ye do it!

Father: Ay, but I have now.

Jack: eh?

Father: Trust in God, Jack. Ye life eternal is worth more than all yer doubloons. And hell is far worse than the hulks.

Jack: Arrrrr. Ye take a cutlass to me where I live, me Father. But what will I do? All I know is the lasses, the grog, and the sea.

Father: Well now, Peter was a fisherman. Ye don't have to give up the sea...just belay the sin, laddie.

Jack: Arg. (silence) Ay, I give me life to Christ. On the bloody plank, so be it. (jumps)

Father: I baptize ye in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit!

Jack: (sputtering and treading water) Ay, Father, thank ye. Weigh anchor, mateys! We be hornswagglin' Satan fer now on! Yo ho ho!



Ray from MN said...

Arrrrrrrrr, Lassie!

'Twas a fine yarn, 'twas!

Athanasius contra mundum said...

Yarrr. That be a mighty inspirin' story ye tellin'!

The Ironic Catholic said...

Arg, ye be the flatterin' sort.

Diane said...

Arghhh, ye be a fine pirate theology wench, that ye be.

angelmeg said...


for the uninitiated that be too funny for words

CMinor said...

So, did you use the "Pirate Talk" Generator for any of that? It was very piratical!
(Especially the part about belaying the sin.)

Allen said...

Much funnier and more relevant than Cap'n No-beard's entry at ICFAB!

Good job!

verification: kjkjhxhg, what I say before I spit.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Arg, CMinor, I grew up on the grog.

An' I used a webpage wit' dialect hints.

Allen, I thought "Talk like a blogger" was inspired. :)