Pete the Pirate, after makin' a right fine confession last year, has convinced one of his mateys to get baptized.
Jack the Pirate: Ahoy, me Father. I be wantin' to accept Jesus Christ as me Lord and Savior.
Fr. Yarg: Arrrr, gangway, mateys! Bless the Lord! Ye be readin' the Prodigal Son story from Sunday past, have ye, Bucko?
Jack: Ay, I have now. I've been plundering the booty meself for many a year, and it be time to keelhaul me scurvy soul. I be willin', Father. Make me climb the mizzenmast, drink bilge water, give up the grog, I am ready.
Father: Right now, me son. All ye have to do is walk the plank.
Jack: eh now?
Father: Walking the plank, son. Full immersion to cleanse the soul.
Jack: Blimey, what kind of scallywag are ye? The last hand to walk it sank like a double anchor!
Father: Ye need to die to living the account and rise to life in Christ, me son.
Jack: Ye squiffy, scurvy landlubber of a bilge rat! When ye be dead, ye be dead, not alive! I'd like to see ye do it!
Father: Ay, but I have now.
Father: Trust in God, Jack. Ye life eternal is worth more than all yer doubloons. And hell is far worse than the hulks.
Jack: Arrrrr. Ye take a cutlass to me where I live, me Father. But what will I do? All I know is the lasses, the grog, and the sea.
Father: Well now, Peter was a fisherman. Ye don't have to give up the sea...just belay the sin, laddie.
Jack: Arg. (silence) Ay, I give me life to Christ. On the bloody plank, so be it. (jumps)
Father: I baptize ye in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit!
Jack: (sputtering and treading water) Ay, Father, thank ye. Weigh anchor, mateys! We be hornswagglin' Satan fer now on! Yo ho ho!