Fairbanks, Alaska: A youth group from St. Casimir's Church decided to respond to the news of Britney Spears' latest woes--losing custody of her young children, due to alcohol and drug abuse--by each buying five copies of tabloid magazines.
They didn't read them. They burned them.
"This was the kids' idea," said St. Casimir youth minister Ray Yolanthe. "We were talking about how her life seems so troubled and unhappy; it's like watching a train wreck. But that's just it, the Christian tradition says she's a human being with inherent dignity and worth, not a circus freakshow."
"Yes, she needs to take responsibility for her actions. But who is enabling all this reckless behavior? Why do we seem to be feeding from her addictions and demons? Shouldn't we be praying for her, and her kids?"
At the bonfire in the church parking lot, 16 yr old student chaplain Therese DeGuzman announced, "We burn these tabloids tonight to say we need to give Britney the space to turn to real life, and we need to turn away from being titillated by her troubles. Britney is a human being loved by God, Who desires her salvation. We need to pray for her as our sister in Christ, not be entertained by her tragedies and sins."
As some of the youth group members threw the stacks of tabloids on the burning wood, other members stood to the side, discussing their group's change of heart. "It came up when we were doing the Bible study on John 8, the woman caught in adultery, and Ray asked us who we were casting stones at. And everyone said it at the same time: Britney," said Kendra Robinson. Julie Bant continued, "Yeah, someone said she deserved it, but then we realized... so did this woman about to get stoned to death. And Jesus turned it around. He told us to drop it, and check our own sin. It hit us pretty hard. We never thought of buying stupid magazines about Britney as a public stoning before."
After the bonfire burned brightly for a half hour, with youth group members sitting around in prayer, DeGuzman took out a burning stick and lit a small candle. They then processed into the Church and placed the candle with the other lit candles in front of a statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
"We all decided we didn't like what celebrity watching said about them or what it said about us," announced Yolanthe. "Jesus died for Britney, too."
OK, it's not the least bit funny, but not all irony is.
Unfake news, same message:
Craig Ferguson Calls For Cease Fire on Britney (YouTube, 11 minutes, worth it)
Open letter to Britney: why she should drop out.
"Be the Edit Button."