Vatican City - In an effort to "moralize" a sport recently beset by scandal, Italy's Roman Catholic bishops have purchased a professional soccer team, announcing plans to raise ethical standards for players, executives and fans.
... "It's a way to moralize soccer, to bring back a little bit of ethics into a sector that is undergoing a grave crisis of values," said the archbishop of Ancona, Edoardo Menichelli, to the Turin newspaper La Stampa.
Personally, I think morality is way underrated in western society, so...OK! In the spirit of friendly brainstorming for morality's sake:
Suggested ethical soccer practices for The Bishops' Team
1. Instead of benching unruly players, they are stood in front of the crowd and asked to recite the Confiteor.
2. Expulsion from the game gets renamed excommunication.
3. Showboating players are given spiritual reading on the virtues of solidarity and humility.
4. When fans get too rowdy, the game is postponed until the rosary is said by the whole crowd. If need be done twice, the recitation includes all 15 decades.
5. Remember: Outside the net, no salvation.