Tuesday, January 22, 2008

"Individuals Occasionally United for Difference" Attacks Praying for Christian Unity

Los Angeles, CA: In accumulating evidence that, indeed, nothing is sacred, a new group named "Individuals Occasionally United for Difference" (IOUD) has placed an ad in the LA Times attacking a seemingly noble observance: the 100th annual Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.

"We know, as citizens of the United States, the right to be individuals is a sacred one, to be honored and protected above all else," blustered Eileen Charron, "occasional president" of the group. "What's up with unity? When did that ever get us anywhere?"

Another signatory of the advertisement, a young man identified as Tom Payne, added, "And I have to tell you, when I go to church and pray, I pray to know who I am as an individual. Particularly, I pray to know I am not like these freaks in the pew. I don't have anything in common with them, you, or Old Joe begging on the church steps. I don't think I could stand being there before God if we were all, like, the same."

Payne continued, "I'm completely against uniformity. I prefer casual t-shirts and shorts myself." Payne used his IPhone to proudly show off his IOUD shirt, replete with the group's motto, a twist on Robert Frost: "Millions of roads diverged in the wood, and I, I took the road least traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

When questioned about whether IOUD missed the point of the week--recognizing our unity in worshiping the one Christ-- Charron frowned. "I don't think so. Our point is that cherishing difference is always the most important thing. See, unity is, at best, irrelevant. You and I may be 'unified' by an attraction to Starbucks' Mocha Frappacinos, but some cool and happy accident like that doesn't mean we have to waste a week praying about it."

When asked if such an valuation of uniqueness naturally led to solipsism, Charron brightened. "Of course it does. I love solipsism. Really, I think everyone should be a solipsist."

--I.C.

Humor-blogs.com: Individuals Occasionally United for Humor.

4 comments:

Gillimer said...

Satire, yes. But fear of the Church of the Least Common Denominator often tempts me to pray, in the spirit of St. Augustine, "That they may be one... but please, not yet!"

Ed said...

A young Australian Man (Sam Clear) is currently walking around the world asking all Christians to pray for Christian Unity. To have a look at his journey so far (from Brazil to Russia in 12 months), have a look at www.ymt.com.au/walk4one

SherryTex said...

You realize at this moment, someone who has read this thinks...you're right.

Somewhere, out there, someone has actually started the IOUD, with the motto: I owe the Universe Diversity.
or I own Universe Diversity. There was a vote and it was a tie. So everyone won.

Martin Tohill said...

I was going to make an insightful post, but I already know what I know and, who are you anyway?