Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Theological Jokes

I'm not sure how many will get this first one, but it's worth it if anyone does.... More on Protestant theologian Karl Barth here.

Joke #1
A Barthian is standing on the top of a cliff with a liberal and a member of the Religious Right. Whom does he push off first?

Answer: the liberal. Business before pleasure.
Joke #2 (I think everyone will get this one.)

I was waiting at the train station this morning, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off as a train approached.

So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" He said "Why shouldn't I?".

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! …Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too! …Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! …Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!"

I said, "Wow! Me too!…Are you Baptist church of God or Baptist church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist church of God!"

I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist church of God, or are you reformed Baptist church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist church of God!"

I said, "Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of God, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist church of God, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum"…and pushed him off.

Both found here.


Eaquae Legit said...

A personal favourite:

St. Anselm in a nerd chatroom by dracsmith

chatroom: Monster Mania

mecha1989: Hey, what if Mothra could breathe in outer space?
ranmasux: Dude! That would roxxor. What if he could breathe in outer space AND travel faster than the speed of light?
tetsuosgrrrl: What if he could breathe in outerspace AND do warp travel AND live long enough to visit other galaxies?!!!
mecha1989: Sweet!
idquomaius: What if he could do all those things *and* existed in reality? That would TOTALLY rock!
mecha1989: ???
g4un1L0: i’m on ur island makin it teh best EVAR.

Intrepid Mother of the Front Pew Crew said...

"I said, 'Die, heretic scum'…and pushed him off."

I can't read this line without laughing out loud. I went to your source and read a comment, presumably left by a Protestant, that called this one "sober and educational". Wake up and smell the incense! "One, holy, Catholic, and apostolic" sounds pretty good, doesn't it?!

Londiniensis said...

I went off to the Wiki Barth page and, amazingly, found the origin of one of my favourite music quotes - I had no idea it had been coined by Barth: "It may be that when the angels go about their task of praising God, they play only Bach. I am sure, however, that when they are together en famille they play Mozart and that then too our dear Lord listens with special pleasure."

The Ironic Catholic said...

Barth was a huge fan of Mozart.

Eaquae Legit--I barely followed that. !

SherryTex said...

eaquae ...Had to read it three times...but I eventually got it...I think....I hope....

I.C. If I weren't already Cathoic, I'd convert just to have this much fun.

robiewankenobie said...

the second joke is actually from an emo phillips routine. he has a few more in this article (in addition to the original text):,3604,1580452,00.html

Kevin D. said...

The Barth joke should say "Karl Barth...," not "a Barthian..." That's how I've heard it, and it's much funnier, especially if you know Barth's relationship to both liberals and fundamentalists. It really is an inside joke for theology students of contemporary dogmatics.