Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Church Applies Rorschach Screening Process to Catechumens

San Diego, CA: In a controversial move, St. Polycarp Church downtown has decided to screen catechumens--people discerning to enter the Catholic Church--using the psychological tool of interpreting Rorschach blots.

"Really, I think this can be a welcoming moment. All this is, honestly, is a formative tool in the RCIA process," argued the parish Pastoral Associate Jean Webber. "We're not throwing anyone out based on one weird reading. We just wanted an opportunity to provide feedback, areas within the Christian life they should work on as they move to full communion with Christ through the Church."

A sample of the test follows.

What do you see when looking at this picture?
Please choose the answer that most closely matches your impression:

a. a dead bat
b. some Flannery O'Connor character being raptured
c. the Angel of Death from the Exodus, and he's coming after me
d. the ink smudge I'm going to throw on the liturgical music as soon as I infiltrate the ranks

a. two people in love, gazing
b. a man and woman saying wedding vows, witnessed by a holy butterfly
c. a person seeing into the mirror of his soul, questioning why he should not strangle any given priest for this bizarre RCIA process
d. liturgical dancers wearing red feathers, baptizing a red bird aflutter over the font

a. two elephants kissing each other
b. a contemporary white church escaping the evil earth by shooting up into outer space at night, reaching for the heavens.
c. somebody being martyred by black Satanic puppies
d. animal sacrifice. I want some of that action.

a. an eagle in flight carrying a turtle
b. an abstract representation of the Trinity: three sets of wings, one body. Like the shamrock, but more goth.
c. the Pope, flying straight for my head. He wants to pluck my eyes out.
d. a perfect template for a felt banner I want to create for the ambo for Pentecost!

The suggested scoring is as follows:
Mostly a answers: Welcome to the Church!
Mostly b answers: You have your heart in the right place, but a few more CCD classes for you.
Mostly c answers: We welcome you as a brother or sister in Christ, but warmly recommend psychotropic meds before Easter Vigil.
Mostly d answers: You know, the greatest saints come from the greatest sinners. So, um, welcome, and let us refer you to our awesome anger management classes!

Representatives of the Diocese said that the process was currently under review.
--I.C. is a Flannery O'Connor character being raptured, every day.


Meredith Gould said...

What a great way to start my day! I'm sure I picked all the right answers and may stay in the One True Church.

PraiseDivineMercy said...

Very cute...

Remember that prayer to St. Expressus of Java? I found just the thing to go with it.

Anonymous said...

You definitely should write about CCD.
As a person who has been in Catholic School for 4 (hell ridden) years, I have experienced their terrors.
I would come to school to find
"F---in LAME ASS." On the boards and to find the candy corner destroyed.

Allen said...

p.d.m., St Espressus would be so proud!

Angela said...

I'm in RCIA, so this is definitely amusing.

I see:
1) A pair of Christmas bells hanging from the scales of justice.
2) Lovers leaning over a fondue pot, surrounded by Valentine's day decorations
3) Two garden gnomes giving each other a high-five
4) Two pigs pulling on a turnip

What the heck kind of catechumen does that make me? :)

Anna said...

What I saw was something like:

a) Two boots kicking outwards
b) Two angels dipping their hands in water while bunnies float behind them giving them bunny ears
c) Two bears giving each other the high-five. Bears with duck/goose heads.
d) Two elephants attacking two angels.