Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Breaking News: Christ Already Redeemed the World

Megapolis, USA: In breaking news, a theologian has discovered that Jesus Christ has already redeemed the world.

The president of CARMA* and RBCU professor Gerald Olzewski admitted, "It just hit me at Easter Vigil. The earth has been saved through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It's done. I don't have to keep writing this stuff, trying to get the Church in line with our cultural quirk du jour. When Jesus said on the cross, 'It is finished,' he meant it."

In a brief email to fellow theologians in CARMA, Olzewski said that he was also stepping down from his post as John McCann Distinguished Professor of Theology at RBCU. "I know I devoted most of my life as a student researching medieval Catalan in order to translate the letters between the Carmelites and a struggling Cathar titled "Pseudo-Esperanto", and most of my teaching career examining the patterns of heresies and orthodoxies in modern pre-verbal societies. But I don't know...I just have this drive to actually talk about God. To that end, I think I need to quit the academy."

Other members of CARMA reacted with shock at the announcement. "Clearly Olzewski is influenced by the post-post-modern trajectory within Western dialogues with the early medieval apophatic movement," said current acting president Lawrence Digardo. "Still, resigning one's academic position is a radical step in tracing new dialectics. This will bear watching."

When phoned for comment, Olzewski's secretary said that he was in the bathroom, shaving his head, and would return calls after an undisclosed period in the Chapel.


*CARMA = Catholic Academics of Religious Minutiae Association is its own post-post-modern trajectory.


Allen said...

"Pseudo-Esperanto" "heresies in pre-verbal societies"
IC, you are really on today! That break was good for you, methinks.

Don Lewis said...

So I've been going to church all these years for nothing.

Somebody owes me about 2000 hours of lost sleep.

BrentD said...

You have to watch for sudden drafts of truth, especially in academia.

Once it blows into the ivory tower all you can do is replace your insulation.

Joel B. said...

What else do you think church is for?!?

IC: Great post.

Paul Cat said...

Truly, He is risen!