Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Ironic Catholic Pulls Out "The Woman Card"

Alas, it could not last. The "negative ads" for Catholic Blog Awards 2008 Funniest Blog have begun.* Paul from Alive and Young has been doing a saturation campaign, playing into the politics of fear: insinuating that a vote for me is a vote for one who would "destroy the world, pillage America, beat homeless people with bats, won't recycle, run around naked singing the theme song from Scooby Doo, and eat your babies." And Jeff from the Curt Jester came out swinging against half the blogosphere, saying my blog gives him the existential willies.

I, in the meantime, have been mute. Granted, I've been consumptive this week, but my fingers still work, and have not touched the blogger board. But the truth is painful, and it is time to share why I have curbed my free speech rights.

See, humility comes naturally to women. Our inner beauty and dignity resists being dragged through the mud of vice and innuendo. We foster the gentle light fired by our Lord in our souls through blogs of humble virtue. Whereas men, tempted sadly to pride and bombast, take that light, pour the gasoline of sin on it, and it becomes a hellfire that firebombs everyone within 100 hyperlinks.

Your choice in voting, friends, is a simple one: encouraging firebombs from hell or rewarding gentle light that makes you smile.

As Helen Reddy should have said--and Sarai did say-- "I am woman; hear me laugh."

Vote as your conscience dictates, that is, for woman and for virtue: The Ironic Catholic. To do otherwise would be like voting against Mary the Mother of God. Thank you.


*Those of you not in the know--these are jokes. See, it's a humor blog. Carry on.

("I am; hear me roar.")


Anonymous said...

I know it's all a joke, but on a serious note, I'm ready for the Catholic blog awards to be over here soon, because I'd like to see you all get back to real satire. That's why I really like your blogs -- not for all the "inside jokes" amongst you all.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Uh, this isn't satire?

Back to normal soon, not to worry!

Allen said...

Um, so if I vote for you, you're saying you won't run around, beating the homeless, singing the Scooby Doo theme, or eat my babies?

Gee, I had you pegged all wrong. Do you know of anyone who has promised such things? I think I need to reconsider my vote.

Anonymous said...

Ouch, the "Mother of God" one really makes me feel guilty. And I wasn't going to vote at all.

Please, please, no more guilt. I'll go vote for you right now.

Brittany said...

Personally, I would prefer to hear you sing the scooby song than Paul... and because I am an authentic feminist (in the Catholic-est) sense... I voted for you several weeks ago. :)

The Ironic Catholic said...

Britanny--how's this for a slogan:

"The New Feminism": Vote for the Ironic Catholic