Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Not-So-Deep-Thoughts: Olympic Edition

(An occasional Jack Handey-ish series.)

I love sitting on my couch, watching the Olympics. Seeing people push themselves to the absolute brink of human possibility is always awe-inspiring and touching. Then I pop a kettle corn into my mouth and it comes to me: wow, I don't have the genes to be a physical athlete, but maybe I could be a spiritual athlete. Yeah...start praying regularly, taking Eucharist daily, fasting right. Then a commercial comes on and my inspiration breaks. I can't do this. I need to go to Old Navy. Now.

But I retire to bed after my quick trip to the Mall, with praise on my lips: "Go for the bronze, my soul. Go for the bronze. And now I have the boot cut jeans to do it in." Thanks, Olympians.

5 comments:

Meredith Gould said...

Maybe you'd like to try my very special triathlon: facial, pedicure, manicure.

Lady Like said...

"Not-so-deep-thoughts"? Thou art humble. And realistic. And interesting to read.

Jaibee said...

I am right there with you! Except mine kinda goes like this: Ah, I love how the struggle of the Olympians spur us all on to live up to what it means to be fully human. To take joy in the success of others. To revel in the amazing creation that is the human body. To realize that we are all God's children, and that despite our differences, we have a common purpose -- for relationships.

That in order to more fully realize this, I need a 62 inch plasma TV with an HD TiVo, a larger hard drive on my computer, a faster wireless network in my house, an upgrade to Windows Vista so I can download the entire competition from NBCOlympics.com, and a really nice video-editing program for my computer, so I can make my own DVDs of my personal favorites.

I'm not asking for much -- I just want to experience this season of God's grace being expressed athletically to the fullest extent.

Oh Consumerism, how thy sin clings to me!

Adoro te Devote said...

Oh, how I have longed for the inspiration of the deep thoughts of Jack Handey. I have his book. And I have studied it, marked my favorites, and I have tried to emulate him through imitation, and each time, I have fallen flat. Thus, my efforts have never come to blog fruition.

But this...this...this is pure art. Harmony. Musicality..(does anyone else hear that..?)...all but profanity.

You have succeeded where I have failed.

I think I'll go see if Disney World has burned down yet.

Anonymous said...

Waaay to profound for JH. I will continue to eat brownies and diet coke as I consider your point.

Martin