Friday, September 19, 2008

Talk Like A Pirate Considering Ordination

In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day 2008...Pete the Pirate makes a move toward ordination. Previous TLAP posts here.

Pete: Ahoy, me Fath’r! I think I’ve been called.

Father: Aye, Pete, called what, ya say? A bleedin’ watersnake from the bung hole?

Pete: Aye, Fath’r, I’ve been called that. But now I’ve been called from th’ highest mizzenmast there be. I am ready to serve a higher call. I want to be a priest.

Father: Shiver me timbers, are ye certain, me son? Ye heart hasn’t been strung up by a lassie? Yer not boggled by th’ grog?

Pete: Me Fath’r, ‘tis nothing of th’ sort. I was swabbin’ the deck and me matey Jack showed me this video on his IPod, Fishers of Men. ‘Tis inspirin’ stuff.

Father: Aye, ‘tis indeed. Have ye the courage t’ answer th’ call of Christ?

Pete: I’ve taken the belayin’ pin to many a hornswagglin’ bilge rat from hell before, me Fath’r. I can do what’ver it takes. Yo ho ho! Can we make it happen now?

Father: …Make what happen now, me son?

Pete: Ye know, Fath’r. The ord’nation. “Fath’r Pirate Pete.”

Father: Me son, ye have to be in schoolin’ and formation for years…we’ren’t like the Baptists, ya scallywag.

Pete: YEARS?! Arrr! Ye rum landlubber! Why not now?

Father: Pete, did yer jollyboat’s old salts become sea dogs overnight?

Pete: Arr, nay.

Father: Have ye yet met the rope’s end for committing to a life for Christ, bucko?

Pete: Well, the lads short me on the seabiscuits, but no.

Father: And Pete, bless ye, have ye been inside the Holy Church in the pas’ year?

Pete: Arrrrgh… aye, well, I pillaged a couple….

Father: Pete, me son, all things are possible w’ God. But first ye must hit the confessional and make amends. Then ye need to die to living the account. Then…we talk about yer ordination. No quarter, me son! Fair winds to ye!

(Pete leaves, muttering "arrr" under his breath.)

Coming TLAP 2009: Pete gets ordained....?


Gary said...

Arr, Pete'll be startin' his own church down at the strip mall tomorrow. Saint Robert Newton of the Seas and tanning: 11:00 worship, New HOTTER bulbs!

Rufus McCain said...

Me favorite series on IC. Avast but 'tis a shame it comes but once a year. Arrrr!

angelmeg said...

In my Diocese Ordination would be TLAP2015 or so depending on how much Philosophy Pete had studied as an undergrad. No quarter given there.

LarryD said...

(ARRR)ROTDLMEOM! Bless me pegleg, tis be a funny yarn!

(rolling on the deck laughing me eyepatch off, matey)

The Ironic Catholic said...

Arrrgh. I thank ye lubbers.