Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why Religion Is Better Than Beer

(There is equal time given to why Beer Is Better Than Religion: find it all here.)

Some of the Reasons Why Religion Is Better than Beer:

* Too much religion does not induce vomiting.
* There's no chance of waking up in bed naked with an unattractive stranger after too much religion.
* Jesus is free; beer starts at $2.50 a six-pack.
* Religion has a lot fewer calories.
* Holy water doesn't affect your sense of balance.
* How many fistfights do you see in a church?
* Religion won't give you a hangover.
* Your spouse won't complain that your breath stinks of religion.
* You can have as much religion as you like, and still drive home later.
* Your religion won't shatter if you drop it on the ground.
* You can shake up your religion, and it won't explode.
* You don't have to get your stomach pumped for overdosing on religion.
* The day after going to church, you can remember everything that happened.
* You don't have to worry about getting religion stains on your clothes.
* Saying "Oh, God!" is much more fun in church than kneeling over the toilet.
* The police won't arrest you for accepting Jesus under age.
* It's okay to drive and be open to Jesus.
* Jesus was crucified for our sins -- beer is just pasteurized.
* Jesus comes in a handy one-pack.
* Jesus is who you need in emergencies -- beer is only useful when you find a burning bush. (It is?)
* Try driving a nail through a can of beer and see what happens.
* Beer just doesn't have the same after-sales service that you get from religion.
* Too much religion won't kill you. (Perhaps just the opposite!)

So...let's tie on some religion today!

10 comments:

MightyMom said...

* The day after going to church, you can remember everything that happened.


only if you stay awake through the Homily!

:-)

Meredith Gould said...

IMHO, Holy Water *should* affect your sense of balance!

Ggoose said...

Its a BOTH/AND proposition here. How about a list of why religion and beer are better together :)

NC Conch said...

* How many fistfights do you see in a church?

You would be surprised!

Dcn Scott Dodge said...

You're pushing limits here!

Edmund said...

MightyMom beat me to the punch.

NC Conch: I hope there was a conflict over Salvation outside the Church involved. Or liturgical "dance."
Better yet, both.

Allen's Brain said...

I remember a few homilies I needed a beer or two after giving. Am I right, clergy?

Anonymous said...

I sent this on to some friends and one replied, "Never heard of smelly religion farts".

Oh, I hope I can say "fart" sorry if I offended anybody.

Martin

Jan or Paul said...

* You can shake up your religion, and it won't explode.

I'd question this one.

-Paul

Mulled Vine said...

I have seen fistfights in church, and too much "religion" (as opposed to Christ) can make one sick. ;-)