Monday, December 15, 2008

The Ironic Catholic Family Christmas Letter

My many, many friends,
My, how has the time flown! I do hope you'll forgive my tardiness in mailing this annual Christmas letter, but as you'll see, we've been quite busy.

First, my dear UBER-husband, sic, is too shy to tell you...but he just got tapped for the first ever Nobel Parenting Prize. Yes, the Nobel committee decided to expand its expertise from the sciences to peace to the ultimate universal challenge, parenting. You go, sic! I'm proud of you! This comes after his ground-breaking novel debut, A Million Little Pees: a stay at home father's journey to a purified life, which chronicles the difficulty of nurturing three young children in faith and goodness while reducing the family's carbon footprint upon the earth, with a special emphasis on sewage issues. The committee said it was a cross between Therese de Lisieux's "Little Way", Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," and Robert Bly's Iron John. Since we're independently wealthy from my teaching and blogging career, we're donating the prize to the US auto industry.

Speaking of that, well, I got promoted against my will to the Hubris Chair for Catholic Theology at my university this past year. At first I was appropriately bashful and humble, but I got over that, and it has been such an honor to be compared to great teachers like Socrates, Albertus Magnus, John Paul II, John Baptiste de la Salle, and (blush) Jesus. Gosh, all I do is go in and share my natural brilliance and hit the YMCA afterward (oh yes, I just lost 25 pounds. Yay me!)! Anyway, it has been a great opportunity to learn how to deal spiritually with constant praise and recognition. Really, it's much harder than you would think. And the blog? It continues to bring people to the heart of Christ: last I kept track, about 20 a day report they convert after reading the blog. It's a rewarding work of mercy, I think.

The kids? Well, chic #1 has just began speaking in tongues and he healed his sister of pink eye yesterday. We couldn't be more proud! Chic #2 says she had a vision of Our Lady at school, but we're letting the Church decide that one (the bishop has been told. We've been calling the apparition "Our Lady of the Bluffview Elementary Lunchline"). And chic #3 has begun crawling up the communion aisle on her knees, crying tears of joy at Mass. It's quite adorable, even though she's wearing out holes in her tights.

So, as blessed Julian of Norwich once said, "all shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well"...and let me tell you, she's right: it's stinking awesome around here! Our lives are an uninterrupted chain of blissful moments. We certainly hope you're doing dandy on your end. But even if you're not, we are.

Let there be achievement on earth,
IC and family


clairity said...

I love it, Ironic

Meredith Gould said...

If I hadn't been reading your stuff, I'd think this was a parody. What a remarkable family and so generous of you to turn over the $ to Detroit. Executives, too or just the rank & file?

The Ironic Catholic said...


(directly to the AUW)

Thanks Clairity....

Ray from MN said...

Wow, I.C. May be allowed to kiss the hem of your skirt?

Where will you be keeping all the honorary degrees that you'll be getting. Sounds like an addition to the home library with lots of wall space is in order.

Allen's Brain said...

Hubris Chair--Ha!

The Ironic Catholic said...

Oh, Ray, we just added a "green" addition on our house. We built it with our bare hands in the evenings after the kids were asleep, drawing on our full time volunteering with Habitat.

So there is room for the awards now.

Ray from MN said...

When do you sleep, I.C.?

During semester breaks and summers?

Anonymous said...

Yay! About time someone skewered those pretentious Christmas letters. I received one just the other day from a dear friend, but even so it set my teeth on edge with its "I'm Martha Stewart and you're not" tone .... Very funny. Merry Christmas, and thanks for your blog.