Dear Mr. President-elect,
As you know, we, the members of your transition team have almost completed vetting the candidates for the many important positions in your administration. In response to complaints (unfair, we think) that few people could meet the qualifications outlined by your questionnaire, we decided to interview one candidate who, we all felt, might live up to your expectations.
Recently, we met with an impressive candidate who, though not an American citizen, came highly recommended from the conservative wing of the DNC, and would be seen as a bold "non-partisan" choice by GOP. We were able to interview him ourselves.
Here are my rough notes (sorry for the scribbling) of the relevant answers from the questionnaire for Jesus of Nazareth.
6.) If you or your spouse have performed any work for any foreign government, please describe the circumstances.
Cured servant of Roman centurion, but received no payment. Technically, Rome not "foreign" government in Palestine, so should present no legal problem (Might appeal to Italian-Americans, too). Spouse? Early 30s, not married - might raise some eyebrows.
8.) Briefly describe the most controversial matters you have been involved in during the course of your career.
Lots here, unfortunately. Healed sick on Sabbath. (Big plus when we tackle healthcare reform.) Plucked ears of grain on Sabbath. (Will farming lobby be offended?) Spoke to Samaritan woman. (Samaritan-American vote is close to nil, except in blue states we own.) Chased businessmen from the Temple in Jerusalem. (Might be huge help in current anti-business climate.) Also, they were selling turtledoves. (Hello, PETA votes!) Unfortunately, charged with (I think) sedition by Roman government. Ask Berlusconi for details?
Read the rest here. It's very much worth it.
(Happy Hat Tip to Happy Catholic!)