Monday, March 30, 2009

The Apocalypse Approaches #965: Buy off a computer to intone your daily prayers

I'm serious. It's the last days this time. This website offers to intone your prayer (that you pay for) with your name onscreen while it is intoned. It's supposed to be a "supplement" to your prayer life. Yeaahhhh, right. An example of their rationalizations (from the FAQ page):

Are the prayers meaningless, will subscribing really make a difference?
As with all prayer, the final results are up to God as everything follows His will. We make no claims regarding the efficacy of the service, however it is our opinion that the omniscient God hears the prayers when they are voiced, as He hears everything on this Earth. The omniscient God knows exactly who has subscribed and who each prayer is from when their name is displayed on screen and their prayer voiced. He is also aware of all donations to charity from each subscriber and we can surely make a difference in these charities supported.

Are prayers blasphemous when voiced by a computer?
We recommend you contact your local clergy for a personal answer, however we think that Information Age Prayer is a new and exciting way to connect with God.

How exactly will my prayer be voiced?
We use state of the art text-to-speech synthesizers to voice each prayers at a volume and speed equivalent to typical person praying. Each prayer is voiced individually, with the name of the subscriber displayed on screen. If the prayer is for someone else, then that name is displayed on screen instead....
(sob.  Where's a first class fiery prophet when you need him?)

HT to sic, via the NPR show "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!"

8 comments:

Martin said...

"For a cheaper alternative, you may be interested in the shorter Protestant Morning Prayer."

Rofl!

katie said...

we'll get rid of our prayer chain ministry at the church, and Mass intentions and Rosary groups are a thing of the past...

does it count as praying more if you're not actually praying more?

Steve T. said...

Is this the new Pay-Per-View? Maybe if it were installed in churches where you dropped a quarter and had mechanical nuns that came out like a coo coo clock and pray for you, but even then.............nah. I agree, tis a blasphemy.

Paul Cat said...

Man this is nuts. I use a recording to help keep me focused with I pray the Rosary, but this is sad. Why don't we go back to selling indulgences again?

I mean, I know the intent to pray is a prayer itself, but come on!

Kiwi Nomad 2008 said...

Hmmm.... I thought this just had to be a joke website..... it seems incredible that it could be 'real'.

tamtam said...

i thought this was a joke as well! (*slaps forehead and shakes head in disbelief*)

DMinor said...

(sob. Where's a first class fiery prophet when you need him?)

I don't know about the real thing, but you can always subscribe to
www.cyberjeremiah.com, and let the computer do the excoriating for you!


Just kidding.

CMinor said...

Hey,IC--wonder if you'd make mention of
The red envelope project


Send red envelopes to the White House as a witness against abortion!