Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Lawn Care Services Part Of "The Culture Of Death"

Minneapolis, MN: Your lawn care provider, says local senior priest Fr. Jim O'Flanagan, is a symbol and agent of the culture of death.

"In the spirit of the culture of life: it's time for us to embrace the Sermon on the Mount and take it to where people live this time of year--on their manicured lawns. I hereby tell you as your pastor and your neighbor, I will not be pouring chemicals on my creeping charlie and dandelions this year. They are the midwestern 'lilies of the field' Christ exhorted us to consider in Matthew 7," wrote O'Flanagan in the diocesan newspaper, The Catholic Zeitgeist.

When interviewed, an agitated O'Flanagan continued, "Look, Christ said 'SEE the lilies of the field, how they grow'.  Well, how are you going to see them if you're paying someone to kill them in their place?  How're they going to 'bloom where they're planted'?  They're planted by the Master's hand, not mine.  You use Round-Up on those cute creeping charlie flowers, that'll round you up to hell, I'm telling you."

A long-time member of St. Columba Parish, who preferred not to be named, mentioned that the parish suspected this new interest of Fr. O'Flanagan's came out of a series of complaints local neighbors have made in the neighborhood paper's letters to the editor page on the state of St. Columba's lawn, which is occasionally mowed, but full of crabgrass and wildflowers.  As one letter-writer opined a week ago: "There are more dandelions on that lawn than crying babies at a Christmas mass.  It's out of control."

Regardless, Fr. O'Flanagan says he refuses to be swayed.  "'Unless a seed fall to the ground and die, it remains a single grain, and shall not give life.'  I refuse to sterilize my lawn to satisfy the court of public opinion.  We have the paschal mystery on our doorstep every day, people.  I am certain we have the livliest plot of grass in Minneapolis, and I'm proud to say this is the best damn Catholic lawn in Upper Midwest."  

Diocesan officials could not be reached for comment.

--I.C.

p.s. twittering birds prefer natural lawns....

13 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I like his attitude!
I should tell my husband...
did you ever notice HOW MUCH children LOVE dandelions???
Maybe we should, too.

Kiwi Nomad 2008 said...

It's quite common in parts of Europe not to mow the spring lawns, and to let the dandelions etc show forth. After the dreariness of winter it seems that many like to see the flowers growing wild. The one time I got lost walking the Camino last year was when I was so enthralled looking at all the wildflowers in the fields that I missed the downhill turn-off. Darn and blisters!!

Panda Rosa said...

The Things Jesus Never Said oddly fit in this post...
He looks at the poor weeds who only want to grow, and looks at us with our fears of global warming; He shakes His head and smiles...

silverine said...

At last someone speaks for the Dandelions :) Wonder when someone in the Church will speak for the Environment, the Flora and Fauna.

Meredith Gould said...

"There are more dandelions on that lawn than crying babies at a Christmas mass. It's out of control."

Great, great word picture. Love your stuff, IC.

Christine the Soccer Mom said...

Hey, I actually gave up the fight against dandelions. This cracks me up! LOL!

Gina said...

I am actually going to plant flowers to pop up in the lawn. We have better things to spend our money on than killing weeds in the lawn...like paying bills, like donating to charity....

Saint in the Making said...

My daughter loves dandelions and would be horrified if I killed them. Besides, who needs more chemicals? Let 'em grow, I say!

CMinor said...

Amen. But I'm still dumping chemicals on the fire ants.

opey124 said...

LOL!

Tim said...

Maybe this argument will convince my wife and my neighbor. They didn't buy my argument that killing the dandelions only contributes to a lowered self esteem for our lawn and contributes to negative lawn image issues. We need to tell our lawns that we love them just the way they are!!

Steve T. said...

Are you sure this didn't come from The Onion?

Jean@Yardworkerz said...

I also like the way he thinks.