Why do bad things happen to good people?
Abysmally Cute Kitten (or ACK): Probably because they don't buy an "Adorable Kittens" calendar every year to brighten their kitchen.
ACK: ...or maybe they let the litter box go for a week. Karma's a wicked mistress, friends.
ACK: Dear Father in Heaven, why does she spin into the theological stratosphere when all I want is my Tender Vittles?
ACK: I might answer that if I hadn't shredded Kushner's book in a purple freaky catnip induced haze.
ACK: You know, even Job's wife fed their cat.
ACK: Read some Leibniz, you idiot.
ACK: A time to live, a time to die, a time to reap, a time to sow. Turn, turn, turn already. Now it's a time to feed the cat, woman.
ACK: See that big black box with an On button? Take to someone who cares. Oprah's on Channel 2.
ACK: I don't know, but if you don't rub me soon, I'll deviously attack your leg while you sleep like a tuna-scented mouse. Then you'll find out.
ACK: Be Socratic and ask Allen. It was his question in the first place.