Sunday, November 29, 2009

ADVENTure Island in the Xmas Kraziness!

(from an advertisement the previous weekend in a diocesan newspaper, not to be named)

Welcome to ADVENTure Island in the Xmas Kraziness! Yes, in the midst of pre-Christmas secular insanity, your local parish, St. Anthony Church of New London, is a beacon of quiet, reflection, and ... rock-climbing! We invite you to St. Anthony's ADVENTure Saturdays, where you and the younger set can embrace and avoid the secular economic stomp that is Xmas. You can make an advent wreath, pray with us to prepare your soul for the second coming, and try our new "Every Valley Shall Be Exalted" rock climbing wall (patent pending) in the Annunciation Commons!* We've even trained our pastoral associate, after examining the fine print on her contract, to be an eager spotter for ADVENTure minded Christians ages 8 to 88! Just another way your local church is reading the signs of the times. Come join us!

If Saturdays cannot work for you, we encourage everyone to attend the ADVENTure Tuesday nights! Believer's bungee jumping from the steeple will be provided, after a short meditation on radical commitment to Christ. What better way to observe the Christian season of hope than to hope you don't get killed on church premises? What better way to test faith and release the stress of the season?**
Just remember, whether you join us or not, to jazz up the season of Advent with real, honest, heart-thumping ADVENTURE!
p.s. Communal reconciliation service with individual confessions available on December 13 at 3pm.

*Not to be confused with the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. All rights reserved.
** These are rhetorical questions; no real answers permitted. And we already thought of Mark 16's snake handling, but we're Catholics here, people.


Roz said...

I wish they'd scheduled the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the rock climbing.

Sylvia M Sido said...

What next? A priest dressed in a Santa suit hearing confessions, handing out candy cans in lieu of penance? The saddest thing is that any Catholic parish would ever use the expression Xmas.

CMinor said...

We're thinking alike, Roz.
This is eerie.

It's ok, Sylvia, the piece was labelled "fake news; satire."

Elizabeth said...

OK, just saying that technically, Xmas STANDS for Christmas the same way that the Chi Rho (XP) letters stand for Christ...
But I do get that they MAY have wanted to spell it out...after all...Christ IS the REASON for the Season.

Allen's Brain said...

"Next Week: feel the tension, and then joy, of the shepherds as you try to find your child in one of the 45 identical stables we have set up in the Family Life Center!"