Monday, April 26, 2010

Another Ponderous Theological Question

We haven't had one in a while.

This morning, I was hurriedly dressing for the day--teaching theology at a university. As a former colleague once said, this is the only profession where it pays to be dowdy. But not when you meet people outside the university environment. Well, on the schedule: meeting with our local bishop and Theology students, together. I dress accordingly: not a suit but a rather nice top and skirt. I joyfully pick up my snugglebunny six month old son for a final nursing before handing him to his dad for the day, and snugglebunny celebrates the morning by pooping all over me. I hurriedly change/clean him and change my outfit, which is now the more "I'm a decidely casual educational professional" look--because it was what was clean in the closet before catching the 8am bus.

Question: Is this last minute soiling God's way of nudging the universe? Aye or nay, theologians of the street?


ArchAngel's Advocate said...

I'd say it was God's way of having the Universe nudge back

Fr. Christian Mathis said...

It is probably God's way of keeping you honest.

Kim Luisi said...

This is just God saying "I knew you before you were formed in your mothers womb."

Meredith Gould said...

Well, *I* happen to think God is saying: stock up with more costume changes.

Anonymous said...

Interesting find on this matter in the NYT. It was titled "Latrines of the Essenes".

From this link and article,
"Over a hill, a discreet distance from and out of sight of the ruins of Qumran, near the Dead Sea, a broad patch of soil appeared to be discolored. Two archaeological sleuths had reasons to suspect this may have been Qumran’s toilet."

Keep in mind that the astronauts who landed on the moon were "pooped out" so to speak. Thus, the universe is expanding in this commodity.
Hence, FDIC or Federal Deposit Insurance on Crap was born.

I travelled the Holy Land in March and it was the 5th or 6th toilet when I noticed that no TWO toilets in the entire country were the same. Flushing the thing became a challenge, as no two flushes were identical.

I began to take pictures of the commodes in the men's room to show my family.

Some knobs were in Braille, though with no two knobs in the same location, a blind guy would never find the dots anyway.

Women had inferior push buttons in plastic, as opposed to the men's room chrome. They were "half-moon" shaped and had push areas in 1/3 and 2/3 modes, depending if you went number one or two and required a royal flush. In Braille, number one always had one dot. But number two always had three dots. Figure that out!

One toilet began to flush as soon as I put my carry bags on the floor, and I could not shut it off. When I gave up and lifted my belongings to leave, the toilet stopped.
There on the floor area was a '55 Ford gas pedal, and I inadvertantly threw my stuff down as I was in a hurry (so to speak). That Ford gas pedal was the flush mechanism, and I flushed away the entire time.
I repented, for this is desert area after all.

Bedoins nearby sold tea in Jordan. They had one of the best commodes in the Hashite Kingdom! I began to suspect the camels use them too.

I never questioned why the Dead Sea is dead, but evidence was floating nearby the shore.

My sister ribbed me as I took 6,000 pictures of the holy Land. She wanted to know how I would explain so many pictures of toilets back home. I told her no one would believe me if I said a 55 Ford gas pedal was your flush. But I got proof now. She peed her pants laughing at all these pictures, but I do not think the Bible covers pee.

Your child's poop is covered in the Bible.
The Lord said: "Love your enemies".
I think someone who poops on you comes under this clause.

Perhaps the first stained glass picture was a "relief", so to speak.

This action by your prodigy comes under the Ten Commandments....two of them actually:
Honor They Mother (ie. don't poop on her) and "Thou shall not bear false witness on your neighbor"
Scholars have argued what "witness" includes, and some have included what you witnessed from your child.

Excretory matters are STILL only a venial sin, though with Limbo tossed out as a belief, Cardinals are considering upping excretory matters to "mortal" activity.

Keep in mind that when God became parent, he created full grown adults in Adam and Eve, thus skipping the pooping stage and all terrible two's in one fell swoop.
Skipping teen years was a Master stroke as well.

I am glad you brought up this eschatology.
"The word "eschatology" is derived from two Greek words meaning "last" and "study" (ἔσχατος, last; and λογία, lit. discourse). It is the study of the end of things, whether the end of an individual life, the end of the age, or the end of the world."

Paul Cat said...

"Is this last minute soiling God's way of nudging the universe?

Objection 1: It seems to be the case that God nudges the universe. As we read in Genesis that God is the maker of heaven and earth, and it it reportedly commonly said that God has the whole world in His hands.

Objection 2: It appears that soiling is tightly bound with God and the Universe. As what science dictates is that the universe is largely gaseous flatus. Thereby the big bang might be more rightly described as God's big moment of broken wind.

On the Contrary, as the philosophers of old believed that man was composed mostly of the element of air. Lastly the schoolmen of old describe God's act of creation as a "self emptying" of Himself.

I answer that it is not the universe that God nudged this morning just the bowls of your son.

Reply to Objection 1: To say that God nudges the universe is to deny the very essence of God's prime mobility and to deny the Heavenly hierarchy of Angels. For as the Theologian says it is the Angles who keep the universe together and who interact with the universe as God's messengers. It is not He who nudges, but He who sustains.

Reply to Objection 2: God is pure spirit. Therefore he can have no body, and therefore he has no capacity to break wind.

The Ironic Catholic said...

This is hilarious.

p.s. I think Fr. Christian is right!

LarryD said...

I'm no theologian, and much less so a mother, but I'd have to say God is telling you to remember to diaper the snugglebunny next time you feed him. ;-)

The Ironic Catholic said...

Diapers are fallible, Larry.

Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

I have to say, that if the answer is yes, then it also means that God frequently doesn't want me to pay attention in mass, as I am so often forced by my children to attend to them rather then to Father.

I recall one occasion when for Christmas I arranged for my family to attend the Latin Mass on Christmas morning at a nearby parish (where we have since transferred our membership), as a special treat. It was beautiful.

And at the moment of consecration, I was with my toddler in the restroom.

Anonymous said...

I always wore my bathrobe over my work clothes until I headed out the door.