Friday, November 26, 2010

Catholic? Traditional roast turkey. Everyone else? Cross your fingers.

Ulrich Zwingli would be proud.
Your average theologically-illiterate American does not realize that you can tell, simply by what's on the Thanksgiving table, the Christian denomination to which you belong. Call it a party trick or a helpful hint to strangers, new boyfriends/girlfriends, and colleagues from the office visiting a family Thanksgiving, the following Turkey menus and preps always point to certain faith traditions. Interpret as you will. The key below is provided for your continuing education and ecumenical dialogue. Happy Thanksgiving!

Catholics serve a traditionally roast turkey from the oven, nicely browned and basted, year after year after year after year, method handed down from generation to generation. And God declared it good.

Orthodox brethren serve a traditionally roast turkey from the oven, although it is unclear in the planning every year who is in charge and where the feast will take place.

Lutherans defiantly roast that turkey: standing, because they can do no other, and relying on the good book (The Joy of Cooking). But the real communion comes in the next day hotdish.

Episcopalians smoke the turkey with an excellent glass of sherry. And focus on the side dishes if the turkey ends up looking pretty but a little dry.

Reformed Christians burn that piece of fallen creation over a spit and mournfully ingest it.

Southern Baptists deep fry their turkey. That way it's a lot more like the deep fried chicken Ma makes for the Sunday dinner.

Methodists make sure the turkey is "strangely warmed." And I don't know what that means either.

Pentecostal: Turkey Flambe.

Church of Christ: The Bible doesn't say to roast a turkey, so they don't. Likely to order out and have turkey delivered.

Disciples of Christ: They allow anyone so moved to offer the Turkey. Immediately.

Unitarians: Tofurkey.

1 comment:

Meredith Gould said...

Beyond hilarious! Advent blessings as you begin a new year of romping (ironically) through the liturgical calendar.