Monday, November 29, 2010

Op-Ed: Listening to Christmas Music in November is like premarital sex

(An occasional series of opinion pieces.)

God bless you merry gentlemen, my aunt Fanny.

Welcome to the most wonderful time of the year (stop singing that!). Yes, it's ...advent. A blessed, quiet time of waiting, repentance, and hope. So once again, I'm walking into the grocery store all ahush with pure anticipation, and bombarded by Christmas muzak. It makes me feel like a sleazy liturgical strumpet, when all I wanted to do was buy some wholesome organic milk and bread, dang it.

Why am I so in the bleak midwinter about this (stop singing that!!!)? See, some of us like advent. The hush and quiet of it. O Come Emmanuel, Maranatha, etc. But more to the point, some of us like Christmas! On Christmas Day! And for the next 12 days! Celebrating with abandon the Incarnation! Hark the Herald...(STOP IT!).


Christmas is just wrong without the anticipation. It's cheap grace. Christmas music in November is intrinsically disordered.

To that end, I encourage everyone to go tell it on the mountain (STOP! STOP! STOP singing that!) that intentional listening to Christmas music in November is the liturgical equivalent of premarital sex. Tempting stuff but bad news.

It's a slippery slope, dashing through this snow (AUGHHHHH! STTTTTOPPPPPP ITTTT!). But if we don't nip this temptation in the bud, the next thing you know, your parish plays "Jingle Rock Rock" at midnight mass. Drastic times call for drastic measures. Listening to Christmas music before Christmas Day is like engaging in premarital sex. You will regret it.

Peace and blessings. And I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.

10 comments:

Fr. Christian Mathis said...

It's ok if I listen to some Christmas music while putting up the tree tomorrow, right?

Adoro said...

I saw Grandma get run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve...

The Merry said...

In college, one of the women in the dorms started blasted Christmas music out of her stereo... through an open window... in September.

Yes, you read that right. She kept it up for four months. Rumor has it that her dorm-mates were plotting to blow up her stereo.

The only Christmas music I like to listen to in November is the piano score from the Charlie Brown Christmas.

jay sauser said...

I love Christmas music sooooo much, it is hard for me to wait. So basically I start having premarital sex on November 1st. My rule is once its November, it is on and I listen all the time.

Jess said...

I allow Christmas music played out loud in our home starting the first Sunday of Advent. Now, it's really odd to me to hear it in November, but it's not my fault that the season started early this year!

The Ironic Catholic said...

(fingers in ears) lalalalalalalala I'm not listening lalalafalafalafala (AUGH!)

J. Eric Smith said...

I with you on the earliness, but I struggle with it even after we get into December . . . http://indiealbany.com/2010/11/30/grinching/

Anonymous said...

In the Philippines, Christmas music is played and the Days Before Christmas countdown begins when the "ber" months come around - September. It is a country-wide phenomenon...I kid you not.

Anonymous said...

...but we've already put up the Christmas tree, wreaths, nativity scene and the Christmas lantern as early as november 3.

-someone from the Philippines

CMinor said...

I wonder if this selection by Straight No Chaser might speak to your concerns in any way?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-47VmFopE

What's driving me mad right now is that commercial radio stations seem to feel that playing a song that actually has something to do with what Christmas is about would be a sin against inclusiveness, or something. So if you're stuck having to listen for longer than 30 minutes of so, you are subjected to nothing but "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," and something by the Beach Boys (probably "I Want to See Santa Claus") over and over and over.