Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Breaking News: Office of Evangelization Creates "WikiSeeks"


Vatican City: The Vatican Office of Evangelization, inspired by the worldwide phenomenon that is WikiLeaks, has created a website intended to penetrate the deep secrets of Catholic Christianity. Angled to the "wandering spiritual seeker," it is called WikiSeeks.

"Young Fr. Eamon over there was telling me about the WikiLeaks popularity, spilling out all this secret material all over the web, and I thought--hey, the faith is public and always has been, but no one seems to know that. You know, The DaVinci Code and all that crap. So why don't we set up a website 'revealing' all our secrets? A few defenses of the faith? Mysteries explained?" enthused Cardinal Giovanni Bianci. "We're releasing one doctrinal defense a day through twitter. If Francis de Sales spread the good word through trifolds, well, we can try newfangled media as well!"

Fr. Eamon Donahue blushed, and added, "We're calling it the Newer Evangelization around the office."

Cardinal Bianci argued there was a hearty debate about whether to publish the site in Latin or a variety of common languages, but it was decided in the interest of transparency and retweets they would begin with English, with mirror sites in Mandarin and Spanish.

An added benefit, noted Fr. Eamon, is that the office can detect interest in and response to the doctrinal defenses through the retweets. "We're especially pleased that the resurrection of our Lord received 2,459 retweets. But we're commissioned to the ends of the earth, so we think that number is just the beginning. We daily beg the Holy Spirit to move the sinsick souls of Twitter to retweet WikiSeeks."

One typical follower on Twitter, Born2Search, posted this response to a recent tweet on predestination on his Twitter wall: "I'M SOO GREATFUL 2 U COO PRIESTS 4 CLEARING ^ TH PATH-MY SOUL REJOYCES-AMEN & ROCK ON #WIKISEEKS!

Fr. Eamon admits there has been an unexpected downside. "Apparently the Sikhs wanted to create a site by that name, and while they can--the words are differently spelled--they think the two sites will create too much confusion. The Office for Interreligious Dialogue is kind of in a holy huff at us."

Julian Assauge could not be reached for comment.

--I.C.

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