When the disaffected Catholics were asked if they had converted to another religious practice, 12% of the disaffected Catholics wrote in "Applebees Bar and Grille."
"This was an enlightening research tool," noted Bishop Carl Jungerhier. "Although there is debate about whether we should be encouraging people to 'offer the casserole up' or just start an new ascetic order of bread and water, clearly, something must be done. We expected the results from the disaffected Catholics to say 'they're not being fed,' when in reality, they ARE being fed: fed fried, over baked junk."
"Not to worry, we've seen the light," said St. Ann's Church pastoral associate Jonathan Gerund. "We're spreading our wings and starting a Friday sushi bar at the Knights of Columbus. Take out available. The next frontier: Grilled BBQ tofu Fridays!"