Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Bad Christian Joke Week: #1

(I'm on vacation and there is no joke like a bad joke, right? All week you get this!)

Once, two boys had found a whole bunch of peanuts and they were going to go eat them. So they went up into a nearby graveyard and began to separate them. The boy sorting them out would give one nut to himself and one nut to the other boy. As he counted them out, a couple of nuts fell and rolled down by the cemetary gates. Over and over, he would say, "One for you and one for me; one for you and one for me..."

A few minutes later, along came another boy riding his bicycle. As he passed by the graveyard, he stopped and listened carefully as he heard a voice say "One for you and one for me; one for you and one for me..." He suddenly jumped out of skin and exclaimed quietly to himself in a frantic whisper, "It's the Lord and Satan dealing out souls!" He left his bike and ran as fast into town as his legs could carry him. In his fright, he didn't see a feeble old man and he ran right into him. The disgruntled old fellow got up and brushed himself off and reprimanded the hurried boy, enraged. "What's the big idea?!" demanded the old man.

"Come quick, mister!" said the frightened boy. "You must come to the graveyard!"

"Go away!" said the old man, "I don't have time for games!"

"No, you don't understand!"

"Shoo I said!"

"But the Lord and Satan are dealing out souls in the graveyard! You must come quick!"

They argued for a minute until the old man relented and decided to follow the boy and see what the deal was. The old man followed the boy down to the graveyard and as they approached the gate, they heard a voice saying, "One for you and one for me; one for you and one for me..." The old man trembled in fear as his suspicions were confirmed. The boy had been right.

"N-n-now do you believe me?" asked the boy.

The old man nodded slowly, and cautiously the pair approached the cemetary gate. Finally, the voice stopped and said, "All right. We're done separating them. Now let's go get those two nuts down by the gate and we'll be done."

And the old man beat the boy back to town.


LarryD said...


I needed that. Thanks!

Helen said...

I LOVE this joke! It reminds me of Sr. Alma! She told me this joke twenty years ago! :-)

Lisa said...

I love this one! I saw it awhile ago when our bookkeeper passed it on to us. Good choice! :)