Belleton, IL: The St. John's pastoral evangelization and implementation committee, commonly called the "Pastoral Super Committee", failed to reach an agreement as to how to implement the Great Commission, and the project sits shelved until the next bishopric appointment.
"I don't believe it," mumbled long time parishioner Sheila Johnson, shaking her head after leaving mass this Sunday. "We put our faith and hope in these people."
"We knew Fr. Donahue had high standards going on--this whole 'in Christ there is not slave nor free, woman nor man, Jew nor gentile' thing--but creating a committee to come up with a plan to reach EVERYONE, made up of every constituency in our parish, seemed like tilting at windmills," said co-chair Cece Martinez. "We had Spanish speakers, Anglos, Republicans, Democrats, soccer moms, Opus Dei, Pax Christi, and more represented. And we decided this week: the Great Commission just can't be done."
"This doesn't mean that evangelizing through the parish doesn't work," insisted the other co-chair, Johan Jutland. "It just means...um...right...we've got to...oh, geez. I have no idea."
Fr. Donahue, when called for comment, was silent. Afterwards, he said "My main concern is that the Great Commission is not optional. It is the lifeblood of the Church. If they say it can't be done, then what does that say about the Church? or the trustworthiness of Jesus' words?" After more silence, he apologized, saying he needed to go pray now, and hung up.
At press time, there was a group of 25 teenagers quietly picketing the parish church, praying the rosary, holding "Occupy The Body of Christ" signs.