Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Christmas Mass Filled With Despair When Women Realize Baking Is Not In The Bible
No, it was not about women preaching. This was a woman in the pew who said aloud after the gospel "and what about my baking? Isn't that part of the Christmas story?"
Melinda Boston admitted the short advent and intense cookie exchange schedule had made her a little woozy, "but I always thought my baking was sanctioned by Holy Scripture. I mean, I didn't expect St Luke to mention Snickerdoodles, but...something...and I suddenly realized it in mass. There was no cooking going on at the first Christmas unless Mary and Joseph slayed one of those oxen in the stable. No oven. No sugar. No chocolate. My whole season has been built upon a lie," she sobbed.
The despair of Mrs. Boston spread throughout the church full of middle aged women quickly, as they began to weep quietly. "The more I thought about it, the more I realized--we don't even have a song. The little drummer boy has a song. Really, what was Mary thinking allowing a kid with a snare drum to play for a sleeping newborn? But regardless--no one ever, ever gave the Christ Child a sugar cookie," choked out Mary Anne Janssen.
When the despair got to wailing and gnashing of teeth, Fr. Silvio Bertole interrupted his homily, which was getting drowned out by the commotion, and asked the choir to do a few more verses of Joy to the World until everyone settled down.
Most of the husbands in the congregation were nonplussed, but some were sympathetic. "I realized that building a Cozy Coupe car for my toddler for 10 hours is not sanctioned by Scripture either," admitted John Kaster. "It was a real blow after last night."