Monday, December 17, 2012

To Assuage The Self-Esteem of Letters: The A-E-I-O-U and sometime Y antiphons

New York, NY: St. Calibertha Church's Sunday School, at 100 Sesame St., has introduced a holiday practice updated for the little ones of the 21st century: The All Vowels Antiphons.

"The traditional O Antiphons are lovely but O gets all the attention," argued A, who was decked in festive advent purple fur over his everyday foam self.  "The Spirit of Christmas is equality, so the other vowels and I, I mean A, we thought he should share."

"Sharing is the reason for the season," piped up E.  "U and I and others have always said so."

"And we never knew Y all the attention went to O," pouted Y.  "Sure he's round and pretty like a bowl full of jelly, but we have feelings, you know.  I've stuck out my tongue at him forever and he never noticed.  I am sad," he said, upward wings drooping.

O was apparently taken aback by all resentment.  "O no--I, I mean O, thought this was about the Messiah, and I, I mean O, was an incidental musical note.  I, O, mean let's share and be equal and all, but isn't it about Jesus?"

In the spirit of reconciliation, the vowels created the A-E-I-O-U and sometimes Y antiphons.  Initial feedback from the first antiphon ("A Wisdom") was mixed: the preschoolers don't know whether to sing the long or short A, a few teachers drew out the Ayyyyy like Fonzi from the 1980s hit Happy Days, and others gargled the short A like they were at the dentist's office.

"I can't wait until they get to EEEEEEEE Adonai," admitted a teacher, rubbing her temples.

Big Bird, much in demand after the 2012 Presidential Election, could not be reached for comment.


1 comment:

Will Linden said...

What about the self-esteem issues of the Pre-Lent Sundays which have been relegated to "Ordinary" Time? Is outrage!