Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Church 45 year old White Brunette Married Catholic Women With Kids And A Job Want

OK, I'll let some blondes in too.
As Annie Selak opines, we're getting a new Pope soon, barring an apocalypse.  So she wrote a blog piece in WaPo asserting that she is a young woman, and she works with young people, so she should know: what is the Catholic Church young people want?  By that standard, I have a blog, I'm middle aged, and I work with middle aged people, and we want a Catholic Church too!  All these young people, they get their youth ministers, their service trips, their skits.  The 45 year old White Brunette Married Catholic Women With Kids And A Job have been quiet too long.  We are Church, Hear Us Roar...all the way to the conclave.

The Catholic Church That We Want is:

  1. Going to provide free childcare.  Really, you want me to attend a Bible Study or committee meeting or adult enrichment session?  Pony up for some college students to watch my kids for an hour.  Also, buy a handful of toys for the nursery that aren't broken.  In fact, just have a mom and dad's night out evening and let us drop off our kids.  Thanks.
  2. Occasionally Going To Send Me A Pizza.  Everyone knows that when you are crammed between work and hungry kids, pizza is the second bread of life.  Just stop being so darn pastoral and give me a pizza when I look down.  Or a tuna casserole or taco hotdish.  As with all Church food, it's the thought that counts, so I'm not picky.
  3. Not Going To Make My Kids Do Many Crafts Every Faith Formation Session.  I'm running out of room for these "craft trophies."
  4. Going To Enable Me To Lose 10 lbs And Whiten My Teeth While Earning $100 A Day While Surfing The Web.  Because according to Facebook, this is apparently what I really, really, really need.
  5. Going To Have A Scrapbooking Nook In The Foyer.  Look, all the cool retreat houses are getting on board with this. 
  6. Going To Play Liturgical Music That Sounds Indistinguishable From Sarah McLaughlin.
  7. Holding Adult Enrichment Sessions On The Theology Of Downton Abbey.
  8. Never Going To Make Us Participate In A Skit Again. Zumba, now you're talkin'.
  9. Going To Have A Parish Nurse Discuss Menopause Privately With Us.
  10. Never Going To Ordain Women.  Please, I'm already taking care of the rest of the world.  I'm freakin' busy and don't have time to take care of you too.

Or, perhaps, what we want is a Church for human beings, more like what Bad Catholic suggests here.

4 comments:

Panda Rosa said...

Have to add my support to the pizza one; we could all use the "secondary (flat)bread of life" once in a while, with a side of delicous ice-cold grape juice.
And the "not so many crafts!" one would be a definite plus!

Nancy Piccione said...

Love #7 and #9. That's my kind of church :-)

Number 9 said...

This is great! Just discovered this blog..so funny.

thisfelicitouslife said...

First time here. Love your humor. "Please, I'm already taking care of the rest of the world. I'm freakin' busy and don't have time to take care of you too." Yes! So true.