Monday, April 01, 2013

Traditionalist Catholics Accuse Pope of Changing Weather for Easter

February Snow in Rome: it will look like this.  Image credit.
Metropolis, USA: A group of Catholics who write for a popular blog called "Rockin The Church Traditionalists" have accused Pope Francis of changing the weather patterns in Italy to mimic the southern hemisphere for a blustery Easter morning.

"I have tried to hold my tongue," said the blogger known as DamnTheClownMassesAndEveryoneElse, "but I must upgrade the volume of my critique from the warm confines of my supportive group of saved friends on facebook to the callous and cold wide world of the Internet.  I am deeply regretful to have to call out the Holy Father during such a solemn week and on his Holiest of days, but this morning was the last straw, and justice must be served.  He has clearly imported Argentinian weather to the sacred land of Rome.  Everyone knows that Easter must be Springlike.  This morning's increasingly cold weather indicates the Pope is rejecting an age old tradition.  No doubt this will lead to the increased use of silver as a precious metal and women's ordination.  This cannot, and will not, stand."

Another blogger who goes by MaryWoreBlueCombatBoots agreed.  "By all means, we know Christianity is a European religion.  Eggs and new life go with a Springlike Eastertide.  Changing Rome to fit the Southern hemispheric patterns means that we will serving pumpkin pie at the Easter table.  Dried leaf collages for Easter rather than daffodils.  It screams of death...a symbolism of death for a religion that is being killed.  And Happy Dead Easter to you too."

When a commenter remarked that the Southern hemisphere has millions of Catholics who have managed to celebrate Easter around the autumnal equinox, the commenter was roundly accused of being a Marxist commie who promoted theories of global warming.

The bloggers were reportedly in masses of reparation Sunday afternoon, and not available for comment.

--I.C.