Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Studies That Make You Want To Go Don Ashes, A Hairshirt, A Scapular, And Sing Hymns In The Elevator

Religion To Disappear By 2041, Says New Study

(If you want to encounter your daily quotient of self-serving, agenda-driven, information-twisting, delusional pipe dream pseudo-science covered by a breathless and deadline-panicked journalist, go ahead and click.  I'll wait.  The rant is patient.)

OK, I will begin by granting the scientist something: secularism is on the rise in the Western World.  No jokes there.  And its easy to prove.

But really?  Religion will die like...like...polio?  By 2041?

Because that is exactly how he is posing it.  Religion, the inexplicably human reality that has infected the world for millenia, is on the verge of being stamped out!  The suffering it has caused, soon to be no more!  And the vaccine?  Wealth!

(Scratch.  Scratch.  Something is itching here...how does this sound familiar...OOH!  I know!
Matthew 19:23-24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

Oh well.  I've got hydrocortizone for that.

Seriously, his interpretation of that data is that as people get wealthier, women work outside the home, and education rises, people will become inoculated against the religion flu.  It's basically a global health thing.  Sorry, religion virus.  Nothing personal.  It's just that you're against the human race and eventually the poor, breeding, undereducated masses will wake up and choose health over your feverish malaise.

Wait, something is itching again...really need to get more hydro at Walgreens...what is that, that...?

Right!  Religion is the opiate of the people!  Karl Marx!  See, it isn't a drug, but its like a bug.  (And Marx may have had more followers, or fun, if he rhymed like that.)  But man, Marx?  Because his philosophy has proven to be such a successful template for political reform and governance?  And besides, this is Marx with a comfy couch.  The goal is not freedom and equality (fine goals in general) but WEALTH.  It's...just...giving me a headache.  Agenda-driven philosophy will do that.  (Religion doesn't.)

So: we have a study showing a rise in secularism which leads Son of Marx to say religion will surely and finally die in 2041, and we'll try to have a funeral except all the Churches will be closed, boohoo.  

But wait, there's a problem (according to the article)!  Those religion people--they BREED!  More than atheists do!  This may yet undo all and keep the virus alive!

(You know the article doesn't quite go there, but did you ever think this could get ugly?  Like eugenics style ugly?  "Religion-infected people" get forced to pay extra to have more than two children, and worse?  'Cause you know, that's never happened before.  Look, it's no more a sci-fi development than saying Religion will be stamped out by 2041.)

Well.  There are clearly only two ways to react.  The first is to run straight for your nearest house of worship and kiss the ground and bring a few friends to boot.  Wear your Christian T-shirt gear, a hairshirt, Lutheran socks, scapulars, miraculous medals, wrist rosaries, and what the heck, ladies, the chapel veils can be worn in public.  Sing hymns in the elevator.  Wear ashes.  Say it loud and say it proud: I am a religious person.  It is health, not sickness, to believe in God.  And it ain't dying in 2041 without going through me first.

The second way is to pray for this man, for all those who think as he does.  Because they are missing out on the Great Adventure.

Luckily we have many thousands, maybe millions, doing both right now.

World Youth Day 2013.



5 comments:

Jes said...

Maybe just quietly have another baby....

Allen's Brain said...

It reminds me of Roddenberry's vision of classic Star Trek. No one is poor anymore, so we all thrive on scientific research and art -- and no religion too (John Lennon.)

Now, I just have to go find out what a scapular is. It sounds like it belongs with the collar bone.

PaperSmyth said...

The linked article is all of the "mad genius profs" in my College Econ Development Planning program rolled into one and on steroids. (Well, except for the woman prof. She didn't need the steroids. I'm pretty sure she just needed a hug and someone to tell her that it was okay that she had a baby. Seriously.)

"And it ain't dying in 2041 without going through me first."
Having actually done some research on wealth "creation" that relies on pogroms to accomplish its goal, that was actually the first thought through my head: Good luck, buddy, but I don't plan on being dead in 2041--You'll have to come get me.

Am I in a bad mood, or what? I think I need to go do some penance and pray for these people.

Cminor said...

Very good, Allen--you about nailed it.

Of course, this prediction rests on the assumption that wealth is and will continue increasing. With sluggish or outright collapsing economies at home and abroad and destitution as widespread as ever, I wouldn't hold my breath.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Allen--you're right on the scapular. It's a really Catholic thing.