|Mary assuming that the clouds won't drench her clothing.|
Radio host: Good morning and Happy Solemnity of the Assumption to you!
CIC: Thanks, but it's a feast.
Radio host: What?
CIC: If it's happy, we eat. I'm Italian. Hence, Feast.
Radio host: Well, technically, the word is solemnity....
CIC: Too many syllables. I used up all my multi-syllabic powers on consubstantial. Movin' on.
Radio host: Let's start over: Happy Solemnity or Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary!
CIC: Thanks! I just love this day.
Radio host: Fantastic! Why is that?
CIC: Because I'm really good at assuming things. Like, I assumed there would be free donuts here, like at Church after mass, because its a Catholic radio station and all. And I assume the sun will rise and set and so on. Assuming really gets me through life, ya know?
Radio host: But...that has nothing to do with the assumption of Mary.
CIC: Oh, I understand. Mary probably assumed different things, like Joseph would be out building a chair or Jesus would pitch in with the dishes, being the Son of God. We can have different assumptions. You know, my parents and I assume different things all the time. It was a bonding thing, growing up.
Radio host: No, no, no, I mean the assumption of Mary refers to her being assumed--taken--into heaven, body and soul. No second coming for her, since she was born without sin.
CIC: (long silence.) OK, that's different. How the heck do you assume you're going to go to heaven body and soul?
Radio host: You don't do the assuming. Neither does Mary. This is actually about God.
CIC: Well, isn't everything.
Radio host: See, God assumes Mary into heaven.
CIC: Listen here, you heretic. God is beyond assuming. I'm positive there is no assuming in the Summa.
Radio host: (one minute of tortured silence.) Um. Would you like a donut?
CIC: Now you're talking. I told you I was good at this assuming stuff. (munch munch munch)
Radio host: And ...please join us next time, please...when we ... when we ... interview someone else. Hey. there's a Bavarian Cream here....
(Music swells in the background.)