Tuesday, August 20, 2013

"The Gospel According to Melvin" continues

Allen of It Came From Allen's Brain has again unearthed a pericope from the (undoubtedly apocryphal) Gospel According to Melvin....

... Now Jesus did, on many occasions, eat with tax collectors, prostitutes, and other unsavory characters. So the Pharisees and scribes muttered to themselves, "Isn't it truly said, 'A leopard is known by his stripes, and a man by his actions'?"*
And Jesus defended himself, saying, "Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep."

And James said to him, "But we're fishermen! What would we do with sheep?"

And Andrew said, likewise, "Can you imagine taking them out on the boat? They'd probably get tangled up in the nets!"

"Yeah," said John. "And they'd probably get seasick! We'd be cleaning sheep spew out of the boats for weeks!"

But Matthew said, "Not ALL of us are fishermen, you know."

"I know," said Peter, "But did you ever hear Jesus say, Follow me and I'll make you TAXERS of men? I don't think so. And he SURELY never said, I will make you SHEEPERS of men!" And they all laughed. "I can just imagine that!" he continued, "Hey Pete, feed my sheep!"

Then Philip, who'd only been half listening, spoke up. "Wait a minute guys. Lord, did you say 'a hundred sheep' or 'a hungry sheep'?"

"I really wasn't talking to you this time, fellas," Jesus said, though by this time the Pharisees and scribes had lost interest and were discussing among themselves whether it was a sin to shove a Gentile's ox into a ditch on the Sabbath, if simply going around him meant you had to brush up against a Samaritan who was helping a wounded traveler." Jesus cleared his throat loudly and tried again. ...

Go Thou And Read It All.

3 comments:

Allen's Brain said...

Many kind thanks for plugging my nonsense on your respectable blog!

The Ironic Catholic said...

Respectable? No need for insults! p.s. You're welcome.

Ceil said...

Oh my, this was so funny! I love this sense of humor. Thanks for sharing your blog with Allen.

Happy Thursday!
Ceil